Hold my hand

Buy it or sell it

I should start my day with a thought, with a helpful
thought…something on the lines 'Customer is a king. No, Customer is
God. God is there and therefore, I'm alive. Therefore, I can have my
bread and butter.' Professional hazard, do you understand?

I'm not all that gray and old but today I stumbled upon a thought,
either we buy it or we are busy selling it. I'm sorry, let me speak
for myself, I'm either buying it or selling it.

May that be my boss - I'm trying to sell the idea of how I'm better,
how I've made difference
May that be dad - I'm convincing of what I've done and what I've not
May that be mom- I'm selling my 'too good to be true' image to get pampered
May that be younger brother - who I wish believed I was his superstar
May that be my girlfriend, I'm begging to - for something
Or apologizing
Or convincing
Or manipulating
May that be my best friend- I'm crying out loud for his company or
moral support

I'm selling

Nothing really happens without a purpose, does it?

Doesn't mean I'm never on the other end…

How often have I said, "such an ass" but I've given into my brother
How often I've known the face behind those plastic masks but I've smiled back
How often have I seen through that sweet innocence but committed the
same mistake
How often have I responded to 'we did this for you and …
How often have I gulped down a deep breath and said 'it is ok. Shit happens'
How often, have I said, 'I understand, you think it is a good idea but
there is no bandwidth for it right now'
How often have I agreed, 'yeah, you are right probably, it is not
going to work out'

Well, one too many times I suppose.

So, do you buy it now? We do things with a motive and otherwise we
react to things done with a motive.

Buy it, not because I'm trying to sell it to you, because it is true.

Gods don't play dice with our lives and we are no saints and there is
nothing called as a coincidence.

Neo

P.S. : Please don't buy it, please don't get convinced. I still
believe a smile needs no reason to lighten you day up, a hug doesn't
ask for anything back but two arm and a warm breath on your shoulder,
a child doesn't think twice before it holds your hand, none can love
more selflessly than a mother, there is not a single one proud moment
in a father's life than to see his son settled and…
And when you love someone from the core, you are beyond questions and
explanations.

Believe me, I'm not sold. Am not compromised. Am not contaminated. I
don't think green. I may not be innocent but I'm not fake. Trust me.

C for C

C for cause

C for choice

she says C for chance.

C for curiosity

C for craving

C for could we

C for caressing

C for cuddling

C for chatting up

C for convincing

C for confidence

C for commitment

C for companionship

C for caring

however,

C for chaos too

C for carelessness

C for confusion

C for change

So you C sweetheart, me and my fumbled life are open ended bracket - you C

C for complete me, please.

Neo

Beauty, Paradise, Maple and Gun Power

You jump out of a shikara on the tiny jetty and stamp into the puddle

You look down and then slowly lift your face wrapped in that sorry look

And you see those eyes giggling at you

You can’t help but notice that freshness n innocence

Her face so undone and original

No touch of any makeup and mascara

Pretty face with that obvious scar on her forhead

Which she must have got when she was a child

You freeze to death while she enjoys the chilly wind on her face

You drag your wet feet while she passes by like a warm breeze in a late autumn of Kashmir.

Oh! Kashmir. It indeed is a paradise.

Emm, couldn’t help but think of Natasha then.

“I came down from Hyderabad yesterday. Today we drove down from Pune and then I hopped on to a bus then a rikshaw and here I’m. “ I continued “and I got to go home, write a couple of emails and me and my folks are off tomorrow morning 5.” I saw Natasha’s eyes looking at me with a pinch of surprise and an ounce of envy. She said, “Dude, go have fun. Good that we caught up today. Enjoy your holidays.”

Dad and mom slogged their...emm watever off, they took care of their social and official responsibilities and bro travelled from Ratnagiri to Karahad and then Pune and now we were almost set to leave for Srinagar on Monday.

Monday 5 a.m.

“Yeah, be there.” I hear dad on the phone, “No. wait at the Mahim Church, yeah… that big junction. We’ll come in a cab and then you follow us.”

As far as I remembered these were going to be our ‘Family Holidays.’ You know the kind of family thing to do. And this one was to be special because all four of us were to go travelling after four years. But, then I just heard, someone accompanying us to airport. Now, we are no rock-stars that some fool would get up that early to see us off at the airport. I couldn’t help but give that puzzled look to mom and she quickly answered, “One of your dad’s friends is coming with his wife. They haven’t travelled at all so far and they really want to. So, yeah …your dad said yes.”

I only prayed that Air India’s some special rules and regulations would help us get rid off this extra baggage. Later, dad tapped on my shoulder settling into seat next to me in the aircraft and said, “Son, we shouldn’t live for ourselves only. I know you are little annoyed but relax. It will be fun.”

I shook him off but deep down I felt, I was being way too selfish, maybe.

Monday 4 p.m.

It was chilly wind breezing by at 10 km/ hr and temperature of 13 degrees that waited impatiently to welcome us at Srinagar and yes two more fellas - Bablu and Noor Md our drivers. Who waited for three hours outside airport as our flight was delayed. After having to wait for so long they still welcome us with warmest smiles possible. They quickly picked up our bags and walked briskly towards the respective cars. We got in and our sumo rushed towards Dal Lake.

I could smell the freshness in the air. I couldn’t resist but take humongous deep breathes to enjoy the pure air and gulp the chill in the atmosphere.

We unloaded the bags and got into a shikara (small boat used to transport people and goods in lakes of Kashmir). We were to stay in a majestic house boat for a night before we moved to Pehelgaon and further north in J&K.

Houseboat indeed was majestic. Carved wooden ceiling and panels, wall to wall carpet, spacious hall, giant wooden dinning table, king size beds and tiny romantic veranda.

Cold was gripping us slowly but we hung around in the veranda for an hour or so and then went for a walk around the lake. We only lasted for a little over half an hour before we decided to hit back to our houseboat.

Mom curled up in a warm shawl while brother retired in a relax chair. Dad poured one large of scotch for him and well one for me to accompany we said, “Cheers.”

I gulp a sip down and smiled. All four of us felt comfortable. We didn’t speak much, rather shared a very comfortable silence. Mom couldn’t hide the surprise on her face for being in such a majestic place, satisfaction on dad’s face was evident, brother was little too tired to register much of a reaction and I was overwhelmed to be with all of them on the most happening holidays thrown by dad. More so, I felt we connected to each other and we were to have a great time ahead.

Tuesday –

Mumma bought a couple of grams of Saffron when we stopped at the so called best shop for saffron on our way to Pehelgaon. Considering Saffron cost 120 rupees for a gram, mom did quite some shopping.

Drive up to Pehelgaon was nice. Comfortable and swift, a lot of curves, beautiful valleys, occasional water falls and steady flowing river to accompany us and steadfast snow clad mountains overlooking us.

We reached by 3pm. We were very hungry and the buffet for the package travelers (that would be us in this case) was long over. I found dad speaking to this short man with unshaven beard and messed up hair and ‘I’ve served 100 people their lunch and now I’m tired’ look. His name was Malik, we learned later that he was more or less the one man army for the restaurant, fighting bravely with a small troop of a cook and one helper.

Initially Malik was unhappy serving us as we were late and we were little choosy but then I don’t it is something about dad that gets people on his side. I wasn’t surprised when Malik served us on the house desert and promised dad to serve a personalize dinner if we came at the right time in the evening. However, only for the records, we were only entitled for buffet.

In the evening we did very touristic things – walking around, some shopping, and general look around business. By the end of the day we were dead tired and hardhly anybody wanted to have dinner. So … nothing worth mentioning about dinner.

Aru Valley and missing brother -

On Wednesday, we pushed to Aru Valley. It is nothing but a small village little outside of Pehelgaon. It is very pretty and is famous for being the location of shooting for a lot of Bollywood movies before it was not a practice to shoot all songs in Switzerland or somewhere in Europe and Australia.

We got a chance to ride horses. It was lot of fun to ride a horse. However, moment I got off the saddle and took a few steps I sensed pain in the place you don’t want to feel any discomfort in. But what to do…had to cope with it.

On our way back home, we passed a field. Localities were playing cricket there. My bro, couldn’t resist the temptation to try his hands at it. Me and mom acted like grandparents and warned him, “It is damn cold here, if the leather ball woos by your arms you gonna feel the pain. Forget about it. Besides you don’t know any one ..bla bla bla.” On the other hand, dad supported him and encouraged him. Dad even took a position at long on to take a snap of his sweetheart having a go at a Kashmiri paceman.

Well, bro didn’t disappoint him. On three consecutive deliveries he had his wickets fallen all over ground. We couldn’t help but burst out laughing. You should have seen bro’s face. It shrunk so small and draped in embarrassment. He then convinced dad to let him play for some more time and dad agreed. So we pushed off and he stayed back.

We waited impatiently for him to return to hotel so we could have lunch, but he didn’t turn up. Ultimately, at 3pm we decided to order food and we were waiting in the restaurant. All of talking about him and worry and impatience was evident on all our faces. We kept staring through the window for him to appear. But he didn’t… for a long time.

Then we caught glimpses of him walking into the lobby. I was mad at him but was also happy that he finally turned up after four hours. I wanted to snap at him but then with borrowed nicety and sprinkled sarcasm I said, “Just inform the local police that we found who we were looking for and if you done with your day’s play then be kind enough to join us at the restaurant.”

Dad and mom’s firing followed this and then followed his story…

“I was just playing there. It is safe in here, you folks don’t have to worry about me. It was so much of fun. It turned out that those were the horse guys… Ghodewalle mummaa… and then we played so much that I was damn hungry and so were they. So then we went to have food. They took me to their house. We had some chicken and trust me it was delicious. Then you know what, they dropped me. Dad, I rode horse again. They dropped me here outside the compound and left. You should meet them.”

We all were still a bit furious at him but we couldn’t help but be happy for him, for the fact that he reached the locals, he had the local food and hung around with locals and that is the best way to travel and experience region you are in. Dad ruffled his hair and hugged him.

Before wrapping up the day, we did some more shopping, went out on longer walks, talked and laughed a lot and then had a delicious dinner.

Gulmarg :

It is yet another beautiful but expensive place in Kashmir. To me, it is a well set up tourist village. Where people must come, just blow of their money, walk along the golf course and snow clad peaks, perhaps ski in the winter and stay in star hotels and just relax.

Well, that is what we did, we just hung back and relaxed. Yeah, me and bro watched the India-Pak test.

All this while we were enjoying heavy breakfasts and heavier lunches and dinners. Not to mention once in a while a drink or two heat up. :-P

Friday – back to Srinagar…

Bablu and Noor Md came to pick us up from Gulmarg and then we headed straight to Srinagar. We passed Lal-Chawk, the most famous junction in Srinagar. On our way, Bablu was providing us with a lot of information. However, it wasn’t that pleasant to ears. He told us about the shoot-outs, militancy, police, CRPF, BSF and how badly they treat locals, clash between Pandits and Muslims, discrimination, arrogant attitude of soldiers and so on.

We then came to our hotel. We relaxed for a while and then left in the evening for a peaceful ride of Shikara . Dal lake looks pretty by the evening. We rode around, the water market, floating gardens, Jawahar park, house boats and so on. The photograph says better than I could ever… have a look.

Saturday didn’t turn out as expected. We heard, deputy prime minister was visiting Srinagar. I thought he might be busy attending meetings, addressing leaders, talking policies and manipulating something else…what do I know.

Well, what did I knew, the dude was here to chillax. We learned, he was staying at Centor hotels right by the Dal Lake, then he was to have Kava (kashmiri form of tea) at the Nishat Garden (supposed to be damn beautiful) and then perhaps go for a stroll at Shalimar Bag (another beautiful garden in Kashmir) and then visit Hajratbal (mosque). How interesting, have food, tea then enjoy yourself then have a walk to cool yourself and then perhaps offer prayers. Huhhh….

Well, thanks to him and the security majors, we found ourselves in traffic jams, road blocks and stuck in the car. We consider ourselves lucky that we at least got to visit Hajratbal and the temple of shankaracharya. Shnkaracharya is right on top. We just made it before sunset. I went into the temple and then to meditation cave. When I walked out and saw the sun going down, it felt peaceful. I felt much relaxed. Strain and stress seemed to have evaporated in a thin air.

We had travelled a bit and seen a lot, end was drawing close. However, the hightlight of the trip was yet to come.

Any trip in a land you haven’t been to is marked by the people you meet, interaction you’ve with them, taste of the local food and feel of the culture. And that is what exactly was waiting for us.

On our way back, bro wanted to eat some Kebabs and none but him amongst us eats meat. So, dad told Bablu to drop them at the hotel and then take bro out to eat. Me being the elder one, wasn’t really asked to overlook him but well, I thought would be a good idea to go along.

I wasn’t bored of my folks but sometimes you like to have a bit of your space after being with your parents flat out for a week. So we broke free for a while. On the way back, Bablu casually asked whether we would like to come to his house to spend a night.

We took him up on that and bang, “Dad, we have to catch a flight tomorrow and Bablu is coming to pick you up tomorrow. So, we just thought we would go to stay over at his place, get the feel how is it to … you now … and well, we’re seeing each other tomorrow. I’ll take care. Don’t worry.”

Better thing was, dad said, “Emm. Ok. Be safe and take care. Enjoy.”

Well, I trusted Bablu but then, there was a pinch of doubt in my mind. I don’t know why…

But all turned out well. We went to his house, 20kms out of Srinagar. There was no electricity and one could see the star flushed sky and it was beautiful. We walked into his house like strangers but we received a very warm welcome and hot Kava. His mom couldn’t speak Hindi but his father spoke with us. His younger sister looked at us in surprise, well not like we were animals from a zoo but somewhere close.

Bablu told us, we were the first non-Kashmiris to visit them. And then we being from Bombay invited whole new array of questions.

Have you seen film stars? Who is Bipasha currently going out with? Is it true that Shah Rukh Khan has two bunglow by the sea face….etc…. use

How much do you earn? How big is your house? Do people stay in families there? (Just to name a few)

Typical Kashmiri houses don’t have much of furniture. They normally have big rooms with wall to wall carpets. Furniture and bed minus rooms appear spacious. One always sits on the floor and along the wall.

We were literally pampered there. They fed us a lot. My brother enjoyed chicken. And then they made our bed for us. We received a lot of love and affection. Felt nice. That bondage and care, well, I can’t put it in words.

Was indeed a cultural exchange.

Next morning we passed the same maple trees, old dusty roads and same guards armed with automated weapons placed at each 20 meters. At the most they might have changed their shifts. There is sense of fear still in the air. When you see an armed man in a uniform at every corner, you wonder why is there? If there is peace then why is he there? I don’t call silence at the Gun point as peace. That isn’t the definition of peace.

There are still a lot of grudges between the locals and the CRPF men armed to protect them. At times locals report that military personnel bully them far more than militants. CRPF guys are armed to protect the residents but hardly do they trust them and respect them. There is still a lot of turbulence under the name of religion. It is evident. I interacted with soldiers, police officers and locals. There definitely is something wrong but I can’t put my finger on it.

There were moments when I didn’t feel like a free Indian walking around in a free piece of land that belongs to this country.

To say the least about the security, I’ve never had so many fellas grabbing my ass and chest and pockets before I walked through any doors.

Well, but all that ends well is well. This happy end came a little late as our flight got delayed by 4 hours at Srinagar airport and then 6 more hours at Delhi airport. I contemplated the idea to go out to meet someone but it couldn’t have worked out.

Me and bro, we walked around the Delhi airport. Then, we just halted opposite the security gates. Emm, sorry if I sound cheeky but one can hardly help when you see Kingfisher air-hostesses dressed in hot red, walking through those curtains. Only to find that one is prettier than the other. We paused for a while to admire the beauty and looked at our Indian Airlines boarding passes and wished they were Kingfisher.

Well, everything has a purpose, as we hung around there little longer we indeed couldn’t believe our selves. My aunt, mom’s sister walks through and we meet each other after one year. That too at Delhi airport. No calls no message we just bumped into each other. Then I took aunt to meet mom and look on her face was priceless.

World is small place, isn’t it (I would love to see this trait with some other people of my preference too…God are you listening?)

All thanx to dad we had a great time. Indeed I owe a big one to you dad, hope you enjoyed reading this one for the starters.

Love you.

Neo

I’m gonna be gone

I hit the streets of Mumbai, Finally- I must say.

Drove down hard for three hours, just before Sion Flyover, brother took the wheel and sneaked out of our car. On the street paralysed by traffic. I walked through the crowded street and then crossed over to the Sion-Bandra road. Walked on for a while and then caught a running bus. Then to Bandra S.V. Road and then to sea face at the Carter Road.

Hung around with an old friend. And then headed back home.

Listening to my i-Pod and singing out loud, standing on the foot-board of local train. For a split second it felt like letting go of that board … I get these suicidal thoughts sometime … don’t know why

Anywhich ways,,,folks am gonna be gone for a while …

Am escaping some place exotic with my parents and brother. Without my laptop, without any internet connection, without any mobile, without anything that can remotely connect me to the world beyond my physical reach.

I’m so looking forward. I only hope this time I manage to leave all my baggage behind and take my heart and mind with me.

I’ve already swtiched my cell phone off and closed all the office emails. Bags are packed , mom is asking to push to bed…

Just thought of updating my blog and thought of letting you all know …

I’m gonna be gone for a while …

I hope to come back … with something …

Something of my own

Something new

Myself.

Neo

mirrors

Mirrors

I've seen your reflection
The one,
Which beyond the focal length catches attention
Inverted and magnified

I remember the way you left me
Silent and petrified

I've heard your silence
And turn deaf to your cry for help

I've live your pseudo moments
And called on your false positives

I've watched you as you walked
Through our lives
I've dreamt your nightmares
And lived your fears
I've heard your prayers
And gulped your swears

I've seen you

I know you love that span of attention
Open ended question
Adolescence of innocence
Heart wrenching silence

I've seen you wait for eternity
I've seen you grab infinity
I've seen you flying blind for horizon

I think I've known you

Moments when you prefer pain over pleasure
Obliviousness over salvation
Grief over guilt
Mistake over regret

I think I know you
Cuz I've seen you
I've seen you through mirrors


Neo

kido

No matter how many years I add to my life or how many sunrises and
sunset I witness or how many people I meet or how many situation I
successfully or unsuccessfully handle, I still seem to be a kid.

A kid who needs zillion reasons to be happy and just one tiny reason
to get upset and throw a tantrum. Life seem to put me into test every
now and then and I seem to fail with flying colours to prove once
again to my self and mock at life that I still am a kid and I guess I
will die like one.

Yesterday, I had all the reasons in the world to smile, to look up to
something and Oh my good lord, you know I had a smile of a kid who is
promised a Disneyland trip. But, hey, life bitches sometimes…doesn't
it?

Well, I find myself lucky that I still have people who welcome me and
put in efforts to enjoy my company and make me feel at home. I really
wonder if I belong anywhere and if will ever feel find something I
belong truly to.

I landed up at a friends place. Well, more than friend let us call him
my mentor. Old and wise. Settled and steadfast. Young and a family
man. Let us call him my saviour for the day.

I stepped into house and I waited. Seriously feeling out of place.
Minutes later he walks out, with his kid.

That was it, that little innocent kid kept looking at me for minutes,
wondering who is this person visiting us on such a auspicious day?
What is he doing here ? what does he do?
Well for all that I know he might have been wondering something else…
but I couldn't help but put all my energy in thinking what the kid was
thinking.

Din't help though.. never does. A kid forgot that kids don't analyse.
They appeal straight to your soul and if you have a clean one you
might just appeal them.

I forgot, it was festival of lights, I forgot what had passed by, I
forgot everything, while we worship the goddess, my eyes were only
glued to this sweet thing.

And finally, kid smiled. Gave his tiny hand and I couldn't help but give mine.

That one moment, when he tenderly let go off her grandmother and
smoothly curled up in my arms is what made my day. He looked at me
with his innocent big curious eyes. Felt like someone looked through
me. I dropped all my pretensions and felt something else. Something I
can't put it words.

That tender touch and his head resting on my shoulder made me believe,
he trusts me, he likes me and his smile gave the brightest present for
the festival of light.

Kid found peace. Kid found his one reason to smile.

The sky last night… reminded me

Empty bottle and consumed mind wouldn’t let me sleep

Eventually, folded open the chair and hung out on the terrace

There was a cool breeze and moist air

I put my leg on the railing and sunk back in my chair

Aimlessly staring at the infinity

Shiny stars caught my eyes.

Searching and analysing strange pattern

Suddenly I realised

How beautiful the dark sky looked…

It reminded me

Reminded me that I am alone

But I shouldn’t feel lonely

I don’t know where to go

But I shouldn’t feel lost

I don’t know who to trust

But I shouldn’t lose the faith

It assured me

Assured me that

With all its stars

It shall keep me accompanied

All throughout the dark night

Even if I fell asleep

It will keep the darkness

Lit with stars

If I couldn’t find my way back home

Sirius will always shine bright for me

It smiled at me

Quietly pointing at the lost n lonely moon

It wanted me to see

Amongst the cluster of prettiest and shining stars

How lonely the moon awaited

Tirelessly borrowing the light to reflect

To soothe someone

To accompany someone through the dark night

And I questioned

If the moon felt lonely…

With the blow of each breeze

The clouds slid by smoothly

Tenderly giving way to those milky stars

And spotless skies

With every passing moment

I could see more and more stars

And now I was unable to keep track of them

Guess that is what the dark skies wanted out of me

I gave in

But just before my eyelids got heavy

And I filled my lungs with breath

I blinked

And it reminded

I’m not alone

I’m still not free

I still miss you.

Neo

Veronica is dying

Originally sweet and tender at heart but hardened by the circumstances around, Veronica now has grown up. She has had her share of luck, her share of success and failures and more than her share of men.

As a kid she has moved around quite a bit, grew up as a daddy’s sweet girl, decently good at sports, amongst the first ten in the class in academics and as a very stage friendly pupil. She is gifted with a fair complexion, attractive body, gorgeous face and a smile one can hardly resist. She used to be innocent, like a princess who hasn’t seen her self in the mirror yet and is completely unaware of her beauty. Not sure about it but somewhere, somehow she fell for an ordinary man, who she thought was her prince. But she ended up broken hearted.

Little over the period of time, she has learned to come to terms with life. She loves her freedom but she is happy well within her boundaries. Ever since she has stepped out of parent’s house, she has learned to take care of her self. She went to one of the most famous colleges, had coolest friends to hang out with, did most of the crazy things and then eventually passed university to join a multi-national company.

She has dated similar kind of guys, she has known exactly how to wrap them around her fingers, get what she wants out of them and give them just about how much is needed to keep the relation going. She has built a strong fortification around her heart, making sure none penetrates it. She thinks, she’s been there, done that too often and now is the time to settle down. Sure as hell, she knows it that this is not it. There are definitely a few more accidents waiting to happen as she is so prone to them. It is just that she doesn’t want to admit it. She is tempted time and time over again to exchange ‘change for a cold comfort.‘

She is in a place neither she understands nor does she like. Like all of us she too has a defense mechanism and that has taught her to be well within herself. She will happily contemplate equations of ‘if, had it been, perhaps and but…’ but she wouldn’t be keen on running with her instincts for her dream.

Hardly does she know, she was meant to take life as it comes. Not to plan nor be all secured, not be stuck in the aftermath of monthly paycheck. The job she does hardly asks anything out of her, friends she hangs out with are not beyond small talks, via media to kill time and be minimally social, man she is dating now; well they are just going through their lives following a procedure called ‘dating.’

Veronica needs to break free and breathe.

Anyways, who am I to ask her to let go of her love to find romance.

But, Veronica is dying.

Neo

Matter of fact

How much ever I hate physics, it is the law of gravity that binds us together. There is no running away from all those theories because even before they were discovered, they’ve governed our lives. All the theories stand true in their own frames of references, with their own coordinates.

Two physical bodies have a force of attraction that is directly proportional to their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance separating them. When these two bodies roll and are set into motion, laws of speed and momentum take over. When two bodies collide law of collision and conservation of energy explains the impact.

Blown and ripped apart in tiny particles, I wonder if I traveled faster than light could I see myself rolling flat out, heading for the collision. I wonder, could I not see it coming? If I could travel faster than light, I wouldn’t be me anymore, I wouldn’t be a mass, I would be then the energy. Energy, which no one could create and she couldn’t destroy. Energy that could only be converted from one form to another. Energy that can’t be seen but can only be felt.

However, I stood still. Like a big blob of mass. Like a round stone- dead, immobile, dry, shapeless and rough. Destiny waited till the dividing factor of distance reduced. Reduced, just enough to imbalance the force equation and make it impossible for the stone to remain stationary. Rough rubble of ego and self-control all of a sudden gives way to this stone and on a friction nullified surface of self-esteem I surrender to the gravity. My mass is multiplied almost ten times but I fall free and I fall clean. Even if I could travel faster than light would I really want to see my self…I guess not.

Rolling down I come through the nothingness of world with my insignificant mass and myopic existence till I bounce of some asteroid, steering just clear of some eternal black holes. I survive, entering an orbit. Orbit where I account for a mere mass, a mass which is set in a circular motion, which shall not discontinue till truly existent centripetal force keeps balancing out the pseudo centrifugal force. I can’t feel the gravity anymore, I do not know the trueness of my patience and affection, neither am I convinced of the pseudo repelling perception. I do not understand the reality any more as it is nothing more than a possibility of relativity to me hereafter. I revolve. Patiently, she stands alone, holding it all with in, governing my trajectory – a blob of mass, sprung to life-now just revolves. Tirelessly, impatiently, helplessly it revolves.

Life is an eternally balanced equation of forces. Forces that I recognise but do not control. I’m not afraid of speaking my mind because I’m not afraid of gravity. I’m not afraid of my orbits and limitation. I’ve accepted my insignificant existence. I’m not afraid of an imbalance that might either cut me loose of my orbit to get lost in the nothingness of this universe nor am I afraid to collapse and burn in that mass that I’ve orbited for so long.

I accept, I admit and I understand. I speak. I retaliate. I adapt. I see, I feel and I understand.

Inevitable force of attraction has left plenty of fireflies in the space that light my life bright and clean, I can see and I’m ready for it. However, time is not the luxury we have, wish you realise this before the mass disappears into the energy.

I’m here, I’m this. I’m now.

Neo

Being one with the Machine

“Allright, Last chance Merrie”

She puts her seat belt on and Oakland song, ‘ready steady go’ begins to play in the background. Jason Bourne, reverses the car and what follows is a spectacular car chase, that takes place on the streets of Paris... The Bourne Identity

“I know we’ve got a history. But I promise, if you take care of me, I will take care of you.”

Memphis breaks into a Shelby Mustang GT 500 and starts it with his equipment. At the same time, police sets out in his pursuit. They request air unit and with Nitro booster he raises away to 140 miles and you hear radio, “110, 120, 130 and 140 and he is gone”…Gone in 60 Seconds

I probably can go on and on about these movie car escapades, as I’m movie buff. But what I’m trying to draw attention to - are these moments, when the right kind of music, thrilling scenarios, catchy angles and the sheer pace that push you to the edge of the seat. Perhaps, you can get a feel of how it is to ride being one with the machine.

It is very rare that I get a ride like that. But I did, once. It had been just a boring Sunday, till my friend called up and asked me to come down for some snacks.

Tired Sun was drifting with a progressive pace towards horizon, skies were maroon and lazy. There was a refreshing breeze. Roads were comparatively empty with a little bit of traffic. It had rained earlier during the day, so there were some tiny puddles and some mud that must have drifted down there with the flow of water earlier. I cleared first signal and from there on it was a straight shot. Why I say straight shot is because, beyond that point you don’t have signals for at least next 7 Kilometers. Please, take my word for it, this is quite some distance in Hyderabad. This road runs sleekly from Jubilee Check-post till Banjara, cutting some sharp curves with sizable ups and downs as it connects two hills. There is a park on the one side of the road and well, at the pace I rode, didn’t really matter what was on the other side.

There are two lanes on each side, but really tight lanes. You need discretion and speed for snaking here. But then it has its own thrill too.

I rode up straight, passing Little Italy and then Appolo. Then cut some sharp curves before the small uphill climb near a tiny shopping mall. Soon I found my sneakers wet, reminding me of the last puddle, I belted my bike through. That rush of blood, snaking through Ford and Toyotas, breaking just before the curve with an ounce of doubt if I would make it or not, eventually making the curve and then speeding up again, clutching on the front disc-brake so hard that I could feel the rear wheel skidding, I shift my body weight to balance the bike, scratch my feet for some distance till I stop just an inch before the stopped car, I realign myself and then twist my right wrist a bit more, push left foot down to push to second gear and vroom again. Till I have wind rushing through my shirt, eyes glued with utter focus to the street, accelerator-brake-gearbox become my extended limbs, I have a song on my mind and I can hear the firing of the engine as clearly as my heartbeat.

It lasted till I braked to stop at the red light at Banjara, Pizza Hut. The ride was over, my heart was beating faster with nothing but excitement. That thrill of the ride is beyond words. I had all the possible chances to make a mistake and fall, but I didn’t. I don’t know, just something in me, kept telling me just be one with your bike and ride, you will just be fine. Well, that was one of those moments I know for sure, I was one with the machine. Everything felt just right and so much smooth. I might have come this close but, I think I knew, what I was doing.

Well, when I got off the bike, I thought of a lot of things… cheap thrills and speed isn’t all, aint worth it and so on…

We may not make mistakes but others will, a second to late on your brakes, a few more degrees of tilt on the curve or a bit too hard on accelerator and you might be flying. However, pushing laws of physics and gravity, have their own share of rewards. One who loves bikes, would know what I mean by ‘being one with your bike.’

But am sure my Dad would say, “Drive safe, Keep it real.”

And I would second that.

Neo.

When I was little younger

I had a nice childhood. I went to a very simple school and so it turned out that in that pond, I was the big fish. But, as I came out, to enter bigger pond or shall I say a lake, all of sudden I realised, I was nothing. I didn’t stand anywhere. No where.

When it was time to quit wearing uniforms and put something more fashionable on, I had no damn clue about what to wear and how to wear it. Over the period of time I copied what to wear but it took long till I could carry what I was wearing. Well, but eventually everything fell in place. I did fairly well in my junior college, got a bunch of friends(who lasted as long as they were supposed to) and cherry on top, I had a delicate encounter involving some butterflies in stomach, some coffees and some heartaches.

Just as when I thought, life was fun, sweet dream came to an end. It wasn’t that abrupt. I mean, everyone has to make a choice, sooner or later. You need to decide, what you have to become? What do you want to study and so on? Bottom line, you need to decide what are you going to do now, that will help you make money for rest of your life…

Well, that is the way it was put forward to me. How much ever, people who know me would deny this, but I want to take life as it comes. I could never understand, why does one have to become anything at all? Let the chips fall where they may. But I am afraid, it isn’t exactly like that.

So, I believed I could write. I didn’t have any more evidence than some heartbroken poems, overblown incidents and a couple of published amateur articles. I went to meet an editor from a reputed news paper in Mumbai. Kind man that he was, he heard me out. Pretended to go through my articles, took a deep breath and said, “Son, so what do you want to do?”

Only if I knew, I wouldn’t be in your office. But I said, “I don’t know Sir, I need help to decide.”

He acknowledged, “I see, you can write. You got some talent.” I don’t know, back then this one line got all my hopes up but what he said after that just makes me feel, he said whatever he said, just to keep my heart. He continued, “You know what we do here. We cover news, we put information in comprehendible words. It is only the editor, who writes editorial, where he writes a brief analysis on whatever is in the news, but it is not he who is writing it but it is the newspaper brand which is writing it and publishing it. So, I hope you know there isn’t much room for creativity and freedom there.”

“Hmmm, I understand.”

“You think you can do this writing business, 9 to 5? I’m sure you must have taken last six months to write these things. Am I right? You think you want to write book? On which topic might you want to write?”

I never thought of all that. And beyond that point I couldn’t believe that I could write. I felt that, what ever I’ve gone through in those teen years, couldn’t stay with in so it popped out on blank sheet of papers. That is about it, I couldn’t do this writing business 9 to 5. And who wants to read about teen love stories, nervous breakdowns and little fights with parents, confused youth and about directionless, raw potential. Instead, I got convinced that I should become an engineer and make some good money for my self. What about writing, wouldn’t it go on in the back-ground.

Well, so far so good. I’ve become an engineer, not sure about making good money for my self, but I do have a job that allows me to take good care of my self. Writing, well it is going on. But I’ve realized a few things, I never wanted to take up writing to earn my self bread and butter, but it was a passion. It gave me a kick, I loved that appreciation on anyone’s face who read me, it felt nice. It felt light. Life felt more meaningful.

Now, I don’t have any editors to meet, no course to secure admission in, no worries of finding a 9 to 5 job. I also have some experience under my belt, I’ve been around half the world and I’m 23. But, I do have house rent to pay, motorbike to maintain, lifestyle to support. Don’t know, if I’m dreaming again and if it would be worth going after the dream.

What say?

Neo

99

Emm, I’m kick happy right now. Not that you necessarily have to be bothered about it, but you might want to know the reason…

Someone just became 99^th person to click on my blog. I’m glad they came, they read, they left comments. I’m hoping, I get that one more page-view, one more look, one more old new reader, who won’t leave a comment, I know. But the weblogs might just trace those footprints.

I am reminded of a tag line from a greeting cards giant, ‘If it is on your mind, it is on our cards.’ I think, if it is on my mind, it is on my blog. I will admit that I might use some poetic liberties while posting write ups on blog but I am one hundred percent honest with my emotions. I like to tease you guys a bit, leave you wondering, questioning, and pondering. Speech should be like a low cut woman’s top, long enough to cover the matter but short enough to catch the eye.

So, if you think you’ve figured it out, think again. Visit me. I do love your comments, secretly.

Neo

I think u know

I think you know how it feels

I don’t know if you’ve been there or not

But sure as hell I’ve been

When you reach a point

You know, you swam too far to return

And you know you don’t have much left to go on

But, the horizon still shines

With that crimson light and eluding hope

When you realise you’ve gone the distance

You never knew about till you realized it

When you look at your life and

Feel

My life is a mess

“God, just fix it once and I promise I’ll never let it come to this”

If there is a God, then he knows and so do you

It is going to return to square one, again.

So why fix it?

But,

Your broken heart and numb eyes

Still see light at the end of the tunnel.

Red is too harsh on eyes

And thus you can recognise pleasing green

However, what do you do when you’re denied even black n white

And you sink in gray…

I think you know how it feels

When you can fight your sleep but not the dreams

When there is stability but you’ve lost your purpose

When you are made to exchange

A smile for a veil

Reality for perception

and

Instincts for deception

When you understand, precisely when you don’t really have to

When you don’t know if you are

A foolish optimist or a wise pessimist

Being bigger man or fighting for bits of self-esteem

When you know

No one does nothing for no-one

There ain’t no free lunches

When feelings sound good only in books

When words lose life with in

And life loses its meaning

I think you know how it feels

When you hit the bottom and hit it so hard

That you notice the warm breath you exhale

And the puff of dust rises from the ground, never to settle down.

I’m sure you know.

Neo

choose

Spineless body or lonely high-head

Best guys always end up last

I know it is a cliché and all of you have heard this when you ended up broken hearted, you must have told this to your brother in arms over a few shots of vodka and might have consoled your self with this to put your self to sleep. However convenient it may sound, I don't agree. Best guys never end up last because they don't race.

When do you care about finishing last? When you're in a race, when you are embarrassed to finish last, when you're competing against pack of other individuals- you think you might just be able to beat if you gave your best shot. When you fall in love with someone, you aren't running any race, there is no embarrassment in falling in love, you are not competing against anyone, and then there is no question of ending up last. Is there?

It is myth, about being nice and not getting what you wanted. Did we ever think perhaps we didn't deserve it in first place? Perhaps a scar on a face means more in longer run than a plastic smile? Perhaps we didn't go after right thing?  Perhaps that is what is right for us?

When you love someone so much that you are ready to put the other person before you, that is when you come anywhere close to being the best. Although, there is nothing practical about Love, let us try and look at it little practically, maybe more objectively… If you loved someone so much so, that you were afraid that a little too much of leverage of my tongue and I'll end up hurting the person? When most of the things you did had subtle thought of someone influencing them? When you could for once, see future beyond Saturday night? When thought of someone brought smile on your face in the middle of a physics class or during a business meeting? When an empty table and a half filled cup of coffee reminded you of someone?  When you repeated a shirt knowing someone noticed it last time? When you didn't sleep just because of the fight? When that someone asked a world out of you? And eventually when she asked for a friend out of you? Didn't you place it right in her hands? Where does the question of ending last come in?

One never ends up last unless he thinks he was in a race, in a hurry to get somewhere, before something, for something materialistic pleasure. There are no comparisons, no games, no rush, no achievements. It is only when you let go of everything you are free to do anything. Free to fall and let gravity do it's job. 

You lose something, you fall hard and it hurts. But you don't end up last. Life wasn't made to be fair but it feels good to know you played by the rules and held you head high. It hurts even more because, sometimes she doesn't know what she wanted until she got it and she doesn't realize that you deserved her as much as she did until she loses you.

Looking back we tend to think, I did the right thing n she did the right thing. But think again, did u? Might you want to change your perspective? Did I get you thinking? If I did, then why don't you go and do the right thing, it is still not too late.

Neo.

 

24

Swatch

Marlboro + Nescafe

Times

Johnson n Johnson

Gillette

Old Spice

Palmolive

Adidas

Jockey + Arrow + Levis

Hush Puppies

Ford

Apple

Nescafe + Marlboro

Coke + Subway + Orbit + Marlboro

Apple

Nokia / Blackberry

Marlboro

Nokia

Ford

Budweiser + Absolut + Jack Daniels

Ministry of Sound

Absolut + Marlboro

Taxi

Durex

Marlboro + Kinley

Durex + Durex

Taxi

Swatch

Nescafe + Nescafe

Nokia

|

|

|

|

?

Neo

Thank you for making me believe you don't love me

It has been a while since I've sat outside on chilly wind, alone, making funny figures out of smoke. Last time, I was freezing to death but puffing a few more funny figures in a lonesome night, someone actually walked out with me n said, "People always have bad habits but that is not the reason they should be left alone."

Tonight, I'm shivering in a cold night. Wine bottle in half empty and friends have left. I'm leaning over my balcony, trying to grab one glimpse of my moon. But, I won't ... the sky is too crowded with the clouds. I just close my eyes and take a deep breath and wish I could see some light. I still don't.

Yet another deep breath and those memories send a chill down my spine. I clasp my hand around and make me believe it is getting warmer, but the wind is picking up.

I've made mistakes, I've been abrupt, I've been aggressive but I'm not sorry for them. I'm not sorry about anyone of them. Neither will I ever regret them. Tonight, when I find myself so vulnerable to the sadness of the living world, I've a scar on my face that reminds me of you. I am not some Brad Pitt or any intellectual genius, but I've had my piece of luck. I've had someones in my life and life has been fine. People come and people leave. I have cried over spilt milk but never like this.

My vulnerability freaks me out. Am I enlightened now or am hallucinated? Am I a go getter or a loser? Am I stupid optimist or a wise pessimist? Who am I? How does the ego matter anymore?

At times I see myself in you. I've disappointed so many people in life and that is why I'm not surprised when you disappoint me. I've been sarcasm personified so I'm not troubled when I receive it from you. I've drifted in to the moment, I've been blown by someone's presence and I've done things that I've regretted later on. But, I knew what shit I was getting into, I knew whom was I cutting loose; I knew what it was going to cost the other person and what was it going cost me. I only hope and pray, you know it too.

Wind has picked up and I'm still shivering. I wish I could feel your breath on my shoulder tonight, I wish your head could find comfort on my shoulder. I wish I could feel the rush of blood. Instead, I'm breathing slower and slower, senses are slowly disappearing in the dark night.

And all of sudden, I smile. For what, why, Am I thinking on the silence you kept then, am I thinking on that good night peck you gave on my neck? No, I'm not.

I'm accepting something. I think I'm falling hopelessly in love with you. I'm so sure, my phone isn't going to ring, my inbox is going to remain empty, my blog will not receive comments. I won't get that look, not yet. Not yet.

I'm ready to wait, I don't even remember when was it last that I gave enough time to something I so believed in. When was it last that I looked up the meaning of word, Patience. I don't deny this might just be yet another 'accident' that was waiting to happen, but I'm ready to take my chances. Knowing that you know nothing is to know a lot. No one said it was going to be easy, nothing is easy.

I think I'm going to run, I think I will stand by something that makes me believe I'm alive, I think I will take the roller coaster, Am on high one moment and next I'm down in hollows. It is all worth.

Thank you for making me dig so deep. It is only when you have let go of everything you are free to do anything. I think I'm. So could you be.

For all that you and I know, I would get hurt, bruised, fall right on my face and get up only to find you walk away with someone. But, Thank you for making me believe I'm still alive and can fall in love.

Thank you for trying to make me believe you don't love me, how bout convincing yourself or on the flip side running with idea.

I'm waiting, until we meet next, until you hold my stare little longer, until you slip your hand softly into mine, until you rest your head on my shoulder and close your eyes with trust, until this night passes by, chilling breeze slows down, I'm waiting until dawn breaks.

Neo

Coffee

I think I had forgotten how one makes a cup of coffee. Being subjected to a corporate lifesytle of working like a maniac, not knowing what person next to you is doing, not knowing if it is pouring or sunshine outside, I don't remember anything more than, pressing 'cappacino' button on the coffee machine, waiting for the electronic noise, pull of the machine pump to pour mix of milk and coffee in my paper cup and then throwing the plastic stirrer in and then with out even savoring the bittersweet aroma, just gulping down the mixture to keep me awake and working.

Well, I fell sick last Monday and ever since I'm free. But also subjected to taking care of my self. The feeling was pinching enough when I had to ride my bike for a kilometer to get my own medicines. But then, it is a package named 'life'. You can't pick and choose.

So, today late afternoon I felt like coffee. I stay in a house occupied by three bachelors. It took a while to get hold of the coffee powder, sugar and half a cup of milk. But then, to my happy realisation, I had not forgotten how one makes a cup coffee. A spoon of coffee and sugar, throw in a drop of milk and stir it real hard so it reduces to a fine paste that gets melted real smooth in the boiling cup of milk. Now just to make it more enjoyable, it starts pouring outside. I pour my cup of coffee and sit outside enjoying rain drops fall violently on my terrrace. The smell of coffee lingers little longer and triggers some bittersweet memories.

We all have memories, with coffee and why not. The drink was devised to have conversation, to have memories, to cherish a few more memories, to let lot happen over it. I remember, someone used to make coffee, for me. There was something bout it, I didn't quiet realize it the first time but...

The fine balance of milk n water, just as much bitter taste as required, tenderly sprinkled dots of coffee powder on top and a content smile n pleasant company to go with it. Sipping on it, enjoying it to the last drop and then handing over the compliment only when I couldn't 't resist but ask for one more. She would smile, tilt her face a bit, raise one eyebrow but eventually would give in to me. Then, taking the conversations further, laughing, giggling, fooling around, sometimes letting the milk spill over. Wasn't that a cup of coffee that all my five senses enjoyed?

Feels like it was just a few days back. But, matter of fact is, it has been a few years since we even spoke. I don't know which part of the world you might be in right now. I guess, we are all grown up and focused on lives now, our careers, our friends and may be also on someone special. And that is how it is suppose to be. But, I can't help be a typical guy for the time being and wonder at this delicate moment, if there was something about me, something that I did or said, anything at all, that someone still remembers me for? Maybe- maybe not. But, the thought brings a chuckle on my face n memories get me some company on a lonesome evening.

We are given just as much as we need, just as much time we need to spend, just as much we need to smile, just as much we need to fight and just as much we need to hurt. If we are to meet again, then how bout a cup of coffee, bittersweet, just about perfectly balanced?

Neo.

borrowed from Damien Rice

I couldn't find better words to put my heart in ...

there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it's still a little hard to say what's going on

there's still a little bit of your ghost your weakness
there's still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each day
that I can´t say what´s going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball

there's still a little bit of your song in my ear
there's still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that I can´t see what´s going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannon..
stones taught me to fly
and love taught me to cry
so come on courage
teach me to be shy
cause it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know

 

 

This one is for dad and Indian Airlines

 

"Come on let us go. We are already late." – Me

 

"Son, did you pray to God and did you take blessings from your grand-mom before you leave?" – Dad

 

Well, out there in Hyderabad, where I've been staying for over a half year, I don't remember praying, but I guess when you are leaving you house for 4pm flight at 2:45pm and the airport is good 30 kms away, it is a mighty good idea to pray and take all the possible blessings.

 

"Yeps, Dad. Done. Shall we?"

 

We get into the car. Dad gently starts the engine and looking through the rear view mirror he gets the car on the main road and we roll. Surprisingly, at 3 in noon, radio is playing all the old classics. I love all of those songs, but I couldn't concentrate on anything but the vehicles in front of our car and the ticking watch on the dashboard. Driving on Indian roads is no small feat. And it isn't anything short of personification of multitasking.

 

Dad, dials in a number while generally speaking to my mom who is in the back seat, squeezed gently with my overwhelming baggage. "Hello, Subodh, come to the regular junction. We'll pick you up."- Dad

 

I am oblivious to this telephone conversation as all I could see were vehicles in front of us and all I could hear was ticking sound of my dad's wrist watch. We get on the main road and dad keeps heading straight in the direction of 'sat-rasta junction.' Now, this is suicidal junction. At a small circle in the middle of residential area, seven two lanes broad roads meet. It is one chaos and can turn your travel into a hara-kiri mission. Perplexed I ask "Why didn't we hit out straight along the sea face? We going to be stuck."

 

"We picking up your uncle."

 

Ahh, I forgot. Folks were heading for a social gathering after dropping me off at the airport. Not bad, we still have chance to pull this one off. I tried reassuring my self. This self deception lasted only for a while, when we were stopped by bunch of volunteers, who informed us the road ahead is blocked for religious processions. Turn back, and take the fly over. We took one big turn, riding back to get on the fly over. Only to my worse surprise, the fly over was bottle-necked.

 

"Call up uncle, reroute him. We'll pick him up on way to Bandra, on the Cadle Road."

 

"Roger that dad. Done."

 

 

"Ohh, no we can't pick him up there, there is no right turn here. We can't take this road. Call him up again…"

 

"Dad, it is Sunday, let us just go. Law also needs some rest."

 

"Relax, Son. Don't get worked up. Think of another road to airport."

 

"At best (or may be at worst) I can think of driving. Taking the wheel. Can't come up with anything else."

 

"Relax."

 

 

Clock was ticking. 3:20 we were back where we started, ahhh well maybe with a head start of a couple of kilometers. I was pushing my dad to hit that gas paddle real hard but a balanced and careful person like him would hardly budge. I started blabbering. "I've got to be on that flight. I can't take a bus ride of 18 hours to Hyderabad. No ways."

 

"Son, I will make sure, you won't get on a bus."

 

But he didn't say I would get on the flight. I know, my dad could swipe his card and off I would go on another flight. No worries son. But, I wouldn't get my self on that flight. You can't blow money like that, can you? (If it is his money, why not? buttttttt)

 

 

Five more minutes and we picked up my sweetest uncle. I really love him. This isn't the place to say, 'he has been there through thick and thin.' But he has been. Gem of a good person. For the pleasant and originally jovial person he is, he couldn't help but comment on my attire. I was wearing a free Google t-shirt and ragged Bermuda.  I just wanted to be at ease, but…

 

"Do you think they let kids fly alone in their shorts?"

 

My dad chuckled and mom almost joined in the muffled laughter. I shot a stare back and said, "Not a good time to joke." (Not a good time to joke.Twice.) Who was I ? Some action hero stubbing fellow passengers while he was amidst intense brain storming?

 

 

Well, desperate times- desperate (shit) stuff comes out of your mouth.

 

There was this big dumper crawling ahead of us, leaving mud trail on the road. I so felt like getting a bazooka and blowing the shit off. I wished the car had one more gas paddle, right under my foot. Lot of wishful thinking.

 

 

Mom was pretty silent all this while, but not long before she broke ice by giving suggestion on possible ways to get to airport. I don't know, if the present situation was enough confusing… it just added some more spice to the story.

 

 

However, my dad is one hell of level headed guy. He had done his calculations and he was going to stick to this road. So he did. We took the last fly over and hit the high way. I was only hoping the speedometer will cross 70kmph and I will sneak into the check in line.

 

Well, the speedometer didn't cross 70 but I managed to sneak into the check in line, unfortunately wrong-one. Checking in for my flight had closed down half an hour back. It was 3:45 and I wanted in on 4pm flight. I begged and begged some more. Finally, the man behind the counter bugged. He put his initials down on my ticket and asked me to go to lady on counter 12. From counter 4 to 12, ran and ran hard. There she was, dressed neatly in the Air India saree. I managed innocent of my smile and put my case forward.

 

"Brits left India sixty years back but left this word 'Sorry' behind. Don't you think so?"

 

 

Well, me? I wonder why did they leave you behind, my dear lady?

 

But, I couldn't speak my mind. I looked down and muttered; "I understand I'm causing you a lot of inconvenience but …am sorry."

 

Like the first sorry wasn't enough, I managed to tick the lady off again.

 

"You, irresponsible youngsters, you book cheapest ticket on your dad's credit card and arrive ten minutes before the flight. Don't even bother to give me any excuse."

 

Alright. Lady. Now, man's patience has some limits. Specially when pushed enough by his own folks before-hand.  I said, "I know I'm late. I'm sorry although it wasn't really my fault. Please, listen me out… my plane is still on the ground and so am I. I got to be on that plane. Can you please do something about it. I have to get on the plane."

 

 

She scribbled something on my ticket and like a goddess; she blessed me with my boarding pass. I rushed to the next counter, again same story, but this time the lady was little more kind. And by then, I had mastered my cock and bull story. I handed over the documents, gave some bull shit and got through. I still remember the spark in the woman's eyes when I passed on my true-lies to her. She bought it. I was on. My luggage was taken in and I was assigned a seat.

 

I rushed to security. As if I was some terrorist, the policeman had to go through all of the 8 pockets of my Bermuda. Got pass that and made a dash for gate seven.

 

In that hallway sprint, I realized someone is shouting out "Hey, mister…mister."

 

And by the time I turned around, the flight in-charge lady was on her feet almost ready to run after me. I skidded a foot or two and stopped. I was gasping for air, but I managed to ask her, "What's wrong? Let me go. All checks done, I need to catch my flight it is leaving in two more minutes."

 

"Yeah, sure. If I don't stamp your boarding pass, you aren't going anywhere son."

 

"Gees, sure. Please, stamp it. Stamp it all over."

 

I'm sure, I gave shock of her life to the flight attendant when I got in and asked, "Is this flight going to Hyderabad?"  I mean has anyone ever asked this? I doubt. I was just too worked up.

 

She said it is. Finally, I could breath easy. I pushed through all the people to grab my seat. I walked down all the way till the toilet but could find 2C. Came back, started all over again, it runs from 8A to 30E, but no 2C. Doom.

 

I ran back to the lady at the front of the aircraft and on the way when I passed executive class, I spotted 2C. In fumbled tone, I muttered; "Emm M'am if I'm not wrong, this one here is 2C right? That is my seat right?"

 

She smiled and said "Yes." Immediately, she took a couple of spaces to help me with my luggage.

 

Olla Amigos, all of a sudden from a cheapster dressed in rags, I was first class.

 

It was time to sit back, put my i-pod on and order for a coffee with fresh cream.

 

This one is truly to my dad, Air India and something that is beyond us, that got me through today.

 

 

Don't get all that worked up, stay calm, things happen. They always happen, but do find a moment to have a laugh, maybe at yourself – maybe at the situation around.

 

 

Neo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Alice lives in the world of denial n I’m stuck in wonderland

  

 

I agree to the fact that it was destiny that we met, it was by chance that we got to know each other n by the virtue of something (I don't know what) we shall part ways, sooner or later. But, until we do so, that is all that we have.  That is our time.

 

Now, what to do with this time is up to us. Destiny, luck, consequences whatever you may want to call it, have got us till here, am sure for some reason. I do not really know what the reason is, but come on, can't we find out? Aren't we suppose to give enough chance?

 

Maybe not. Alice's found her freedom. I can't quite put in words freedom from what, freedom to do what…but it seems she values it much more than I would like her to. But, then again, who am I? Just another guy…

 

 

Alice has been to places and been with people. And now it has dawned on her that people seem to ask a lot of her and she isn't here to give. She is here, to believe that she is just a mediocre, out to work her way out all by herself. I never meant to offer help, I never meant to follow. I just want to walk along. If two people, who walked a lonely road up the mountain, side by side, next to each other… would they be alone? Should they be alone? If both don't know where exactly they were heading, if at least one of them made their mind up to the fact that, if the journey could be so interesting, 'I don't really care about the destination'…could that change something? Anything?

 

Alice, I know you've gone through a lot in life, so have most of us. But isn't it something we all are destined to? Isn't it something that shapes us? After all a bit of trust, that is all it takes… to be with someone, to know someone.

 

I think I'm blinded because I'm stuck in wonderland. You, you choose to stay in the world of denial. Disbelief.  World of a loner. You've shut everything down and I guess you would never stop from sealing it further. Why don't you understand, time kills-doesn't heal. I don't say I can help you, cuz I am not sure. But I say, I want to stand by you, I want to know you. If we are dragging our feet along the same lonesome road, why can't we hold hands?

 

Alice likes me, I just want her to like me more. I believe, either you like someone or you don't. There are no areas of gray. If you like my company then doesn't it mean you like me? I think the 'Best friends' ship has sailed long back. I am putting a lot at line and I only expect your word in return.  

 

 

If you could step out of your world of denial, we could find out how far this wonderland goes.

 

Think about it…

Neo