When you fucking fall in love

You wake up in the morning. For once you’ve slept peacefully without remembering your nightmares, for once you’ve a few messages on your cell waiting for you to read. You wake up to some people’s good wishes, your cup of warm tea, a smoke and gray skies.

You step up and you know you are going to see her for the one last time before you leave, you know it is your last day, you know this is it. You see her sprinkled with the cold rain drops and shrink-wrapped in fog but with silver lining far beyond on the horizons. Your city of blinding lights is still waking up from the slumber and you enjoy looking at her pretty face as she changes sides.

You've waked down on all the streets, on those which have no names and those which are memory-lanes. As you desperately try and get lost, it doesn’t let you. Most of corners and most of the allies seem familiar; you always manage to find your way back. By now you are aware of her changing moods, spontaneous reactions and her sheer pace and the filled to the brim life.

Songs run through in your head, feet move much faster, no matter how deep you breathe you still can’t accommodate her in your lungs, no matter how many clicks and flashes you shower on her you can’t capture her, no matter how much you scribble you can’t frame her, she smiles and tells you not to fret from leaving and you smile...?

You realize you got to leave behind what you can’t take with you. You’ve your memories and that is about it. Concerts, drunken night outs, philosophical brain storming on the half-penny bridge, long walks by the sea, aimless travel with darts and commuters, window shopping, smiles and blushes, dates when you walk next to someone and foot bills, familiar faces in the crowd, green parks, romantic balconies, dockyards, rough neighborhoods, familiar streets and alien addresses, coincidences and staged accidents, heartaches and honest giggles, mind frames of seen it all and done it all and then innocence and insecurities of teenager, interesting company and some romantic walks, her smile and zeal and grace, her company

For all that Dublin has taken away from me, the city has given much more in return. Maybe enough to last me a life.

And that is why, it is fucking difficult to say Goodbye when you fall in love with the city, the perception of the city, with the people, long-walks and lingering evenings.

I still have 20,000 breathes before I board that ugly looking flying machine and am breathing you in…

neo

Good things happen only at the End

One needs to eat before they go to bed and the food just tastes better if there is an interesting company and delicate ambiance. That is when you eat not to refuel yourself but to connect with others, to smile, to speak, to enjoy and to live and live to fullest.

It is a new place that you are off to with a person you’ve know for a very short bit of time, you aren’t keen on impressing but curious to get to know a little bit more. You aren’t going to be what you are not but at least you want to be the best you can. Skies are as clear as they could be, wind factor is just about enough to keep you going for those couple of kilometers and just about enough topics and familiar common people to talk about.

On one side you want to be candid at the risk of sounding abrupt on the other front you are fighting the calculated, balanced and moderate sharp mind and admiring the beautiful person. Menu card appears to be one of your university question papers where nothing is familiar and prices don’t look very friendly but you don’t seem to care. Amidst of a very interesting discussion other person takes a bit of fresh mozzarella and as the person relishes it to the fullest…you are waiting holding your breathe for the person to complete the sentence that was left incomplete. And you find out by the time they gulped it down, turns out … they realized ‘You were smart enough and didn’t need any more background information to grasp the gravity of the situation.’ Well, sure I’m smart but I pay attention to details and I love to hear someone speak over the glass of wine. However, you smile. Look at the flickering candle, nice paintings on the wall and the steal a glance and one of you says, “The food is delicious or wine is classy and rich or the worse one….. So What else?”

You get some deserts, smile some more, talk a bit, brush by some more topics and put your coats on. It has gotten a bit colder and you do give it second thought but then you decide walk. Many excuses – you are full, too much of food, it is just around the corner or it is just nice to talk and let the evening sink in and enjoy every bit of it without any rush and chasing cars.

You know you can’t sing a song to save your life but you still hum…fumbling for lyrics. You don’t always find common ground to talk, to agree and to proceed but you walk and walk steady.

While you cut the last corner, you realize … all the good things often happen only at the end. Perhaps like the desserts after meals and warm hugs just before you leave.

When you know time is slipping out of your hand and it is slipping by real quick, you learn to make most of it. Only pinch is you can’t help but wonder, “Emm, well why couldn’t it happen a bit earlier…perhaps there could have been enough time…”

Life isn’t that calm, balanced, thoughtful and calculated and it also isn’t that immature, childish and spontaneous but it is an album full of beautiful memories, unfortunately we don’t have negatives left to take out some copies.

Neo

Lost Choice

When you don’t have anything left to choose

You have nothing left to lose either

I let the moments slip from my hand

Held my breath little longer

Pushed myself little farther

Held emotions little to tighter

Tried to look beyond the cluttered mind and clouded skies

Hoped for the better future

Had lived the past in present 1

And knew answers to future were in Past

Now as I connect the dots -

A picture appears that I am not afraid to see but disappointed to keep in me

It is tough and it always is

Loving concept of love has been the fatal error and will always be one

Placing one’s happiness in other’s hands is the most stupid thing but

One may take great pleasure and pain and pride in it.

So one does.

One day you are relieved from your duties, obligations, feelings and all the unsaid promises and unseen dreams

One day you are hung up on

One day you are left confused

One day you question

Other day you are sure

But you question again

You say that was all that was to it but

Life doesn’t work that way

Simple because world is divided into two

Haves have nots

Feelers thinkers

Doers Dreamers

Impracticals n Practicals

World is divided between you and me.

I knew I never had a choice

But if there is nothing left to choose I don’t have anything to lose…

To fight or to win either…

Neo