When I was little younger

I had a nice childhood. I went to a very simple school and so it turned out that in that pond, I was the big fish. But, as I came out, to enter bigger pond or shall I say a lake, all of sudden I realised, I was nothing. I didn’t stand anywhere. No where.

When it was time to quit wearing uniforms and put something more fashionable on, I had no damn clue about what to wear and how to wear it. Over the period of time I copied what to wear but it took long till I could carry what I was wearing. Well, but eventually everything fell in place. I did fairly well in my junior college, got a bunch of friends(who lasted as long as they were supposed to) and cherry on top, I had a delicate encounter involving some butterflies in stomach, some coffees and some heartaches.

Just as when I thought, life was fun, sweet dream came to an end. It wasn’t that abrupt. I mean, everyone has to make a choice, sooner or later. You need to decide, what you have to become? What do you want to study and so on? Bottom line, you need to decide what are you going to do now, that will help you make money for rest of your life…

Well, that is the way it was put forward to me. How much ever, people who know me would deny this, but I want to take life as it comes. I could never understand, why does one have to become anything at all? Let the chips fall where they may. But I am afraid, it isn’t exactly like that.

So, I believed I could write. I didn’t have any more evidence than some heartbroken poems, overblown incidents and a couple of published amateur articles. I went to meet an editor from a reputed news paper in Mumbai. Kind man that he was, he heard me out. Pretended to go through my articles, took a deep breath and said, “Son, so what do you want to do?”

Only if I knew, I wouldn’t be in your office. But I said, “I don’t know Sir, I need help to decide.”

He acknowledged, “I see, you can write. You got some talent.” I don’t know, back then this one line got all my hopes up but what he said after that just makes me feel, he said whatever he said, just to keep my heart. He continued, “You know what we do here. We cover news, we put information in comprehendible words. It is only the editor, who writes editorial, where he writes a brief analysis on whatever is in the news, but it is not he who is writing it but it is the newspaper brand which is writing it and publishing it. So, I hope you know there isn’t much room for creativity and freedom there.”

“Hmmm, I understand.”

“You think you can do this writing business, 9 to 5? I’m sure you must have taken last six months to write these things. Am I right? You think you want to write book? On which topic might you want to write?”

I never thought of all that. And beyond that point I couldn’t believe that I could write. I felt that, what ever I’ve gone through in those teen years, couldn’t stay with in so it popped out on blank sheet of papers. That is about it, I couldn’t do this writing business 9 to 5. And who wants to read about teen love stories, nervous breakdowns and little fights with parents, confused youth and about directionless, raw potential. Instead, I got convinced that I should become an engineer and make some good money for my self. What about writing, wouldn’t it go on in the back-ground.

Well, so far so good. I’ve become an engineer, not sure about making good money for my self, but I do have a job that allows me to take good care of my self. Writing, well it is going on. But I’ve realized a few things, I never wanted to take up writing to earn my self bread and butter, but it was a passion. It gave me a kick, I loved that appreciation on anyone’s face who read me, it felt nice. It felt light. Life felt more meaningful.

Now, I don’t have any editors to meet, no course to secure admission in, no worries of finding a 9 to 5 job. I also have some experience under my belt, I’ve been around half the world and I’m 23. But, I do have house rent to pay, motorbike to maintain, lifestyle to support. Don’t know, if I’m dreaming again and if it would be worth going after the dream.

What say?

Neo