My Alice lives in the world of denial n I’m stuck in wonderland

  

 

I agree to the fact that it was destiny that we met, it was by chance that we got to know each other n by the virtue of something (I don't know what) we shall part ways, sooner or later. But, until we do so, that is all that we have.  That is our time.

 

Now, what to do with this time is up to us. Destiny, luck, consequences whatever you may want to call it, have got us till here, am sure for some reason. I do not really know what the reason is, but come on, can't we find out? Aren't we suppose to give enough chance?

 

Maybe not. Alice's found her freedom. I can't quite put in words freedom from what, freedom to do what…but it seems she values it much more than I would like her to. But, then again, who am I? Just another guy…

 

 

Alice has been to places and been with people. And now it has dawned on her that people seem to ask a lot of her and she isn't here to give. She is here, to believe that she is just a mediocre, out to work her way out all by herself. I never meant to offer help, I never meant to follow. I just want to walk along. If two people, who walked a lonely road up the mountain, side by side, next to each other… would they be alone? Should they be alone? If both don't know where exactly they were heading, if at least one of them made their mind up to the fact that, if the journey could be so interesting, 'I don't really care about the destination'…could that change something? Anything?

 

Alice, I know you've gone through a lot in life, so have most of us. But isn't it something we all are destined to? Isn't it something that shapes us? After all a bit of trust, that is all it takes… to be with someone, to know someone.

 

I think I'm blinded because I'm stuck in wonderland. You, you choose to stay in the world of denial. Disbelief.  World of a loner. You've shut everything down and I guess you would never stop from sealing it further. Why don't you understand, time kills-doesn't heal. I don't say I can help you, cuz I am not sure. But I say, I want to stand by you, I want to know you. If we are dragging our feet along the same lonesome road, why can't we hold hands?

 

Alice likes me, I just want her to like me more. I believe, either you like someone or you don't. There are no areas of gray. If you like my company then doesn't it mean you like me? I think the 'Best friends' ship has sailed long back. I am putting a lot at line and I only expect your word in return.  

 

 

If you could step out of your world of denial, we could find out how far this wonderland goes.

 

Think about it…

Neo

 

Falling in love / Hitting rock bottom

 

 

Tyler Durden said it, Hitting the rock bottom is not a weekend retreat. It is not a got damn seminar. You just have to let it all go.

 

 

It is only when you have lost everything you are free to do anything.

 

 

Guess, that is what it is. It may seem sadistic comparison but it holds good in its own place. Trust me it isn't a weekly phenomenon. If I try hard, I might just make it on my own but I don't want to do it on my own. I don't want to walk the mile alone. It has been days now, soon it would be weeks, months and then years.

 

I am letting it all go, can't you too? We all have baggage but we aren't going to have to leave it behind, why can't we leave it now? Things you thought you owned have always ended up owning you. People you thought were ours were never really ours. You have been hurt and so have I been. We have always wanted a happy tomorrow and a safe n peaceful day after tomorrow, but did we ever spare a moment to give today, enough chance. No we didn't… are we giving it enough chance … no we aren't.

 

We have made our choices and all we have to do is, just understand them. Just put in a bit of effort from your side and just let me help you once, to understand what you don't seem to understand. To show you what you seem to avoid. Let me remove those shades off your eyes. Let me hold your hand n guide you into the new world. There isn't anything like reality it is just the perception. Yours and mine.

 

 

But I know,

Just like I can't be a rockstar or a movie God or people's person, I know I can't hold your hand and guide you. I know you won't let go off the baggage, I know you won't take the shades off your eyes, I know I can't push you, I'm too afraid to do so. I'm hopeful that we could walk together but I'm sure that you are capable of walking alone. It feels I've hit the rock-bottom again (some say a glass ceiling) I know I can't go beyond. I'm helpless.

 

It is not a weekend retreat, it is definitely not a seminar and I'm letting it go.

 

Have I fallen or have I hit the rock bottom?

girls

 

Ahh come on if you step out of closets n speak, then you would agree that after Rock music, Action thriller and Wii and Nintendo games and field sport if something remains long enough in a guy's mind then that is …. Girls.

 

Well, off the record, Girls are on top, other things clubbed together help push them down the stack slowly. Well, once a while a small help from old friend C2H5OH is also required.

 

 

I mean, they seem to have it all to destroy whatever little bit of a peace guys have got.

 

To begin with, they are pretty. If that isn't enough they in-waste enough time to get ready. Someone girl who seems just about ordinary, suddenly appears on the Friday night dressed in sparkling black skirt and red top with attractive lenses, glossed lips and highlighted eyes… what else can you do other than holding your breath and fight off the question, have we met. Then realisation that you have and then regret that couldn't I be little more chivalrous last time around…

 

 

You invest time, pay high phone bills, you try put it in subtle most way to catch some coffee, beer, sandwich…. Any gotdamn thing that will get her away from her yapping girlfriends. She seems so one of a kind and so sweet when you with her… moment they all get together, it seems how could someone stand them over a few seconds? Call it gossip / chatting / bitching they do it all. Trust me in a much better style than guys could ever imagine.  One thinks, perhaps one could bear the pains of shopping to have that coffee n chat after traumatising shopping but all you get in return is display and discussion of the goods bought and what a smart purchase it was.

 

 

 

You wanna watch champions league and she wants theatre. You wanna go drinking she wishes to go to salsa evening. You don't mind this or that but she doesn't want any of it.

 

 

You meet guys, you hang out, you speak , you drink …. You know here are my frnz, I can hang out with, mess around with, count on if I'm in shit.

 

With girls, you speak and you speak some more. You need right words at right time, you need patience, you need chivalry, you need to leave major chunk of whatever might happen in feeble hands of destiny and on strong shoulders of girl's wimps n fancies.

 

 

Emm could you tell me why we go nuts after them ?

Damn, I've got to end it here … (if I hurry up I might catch her on her way home ;-P)

 

neo

 

i think

I think I was in love

I think so was she

I think this was for nth time

And ended just like the other times…

When is it gonna be it

They say till you meet wrong ones

You won't value the right one

I have met enough wrong ones

And I've been wrong one enough

I want someone to last

I want to say … emm what do they call it

Yeah, "we are going steady"

I want to face the day knowing

I'm with the one I've to be

I am ready to fight the world if I've the cause

I want someone to accept me for what I'm

And not how I should be

I am trying to breath

I am trying to live

But am afraid,

I may not get what I want

May be I don't deserve it anymore

May be I don't know how to love

May be I've forgotten how it feels to be loved

With or without you,

The sun shall rise and set

With our without love

Someday evening shall set in

And I'll breathe for last in the cold chilly night

It would just be nice if you held my hand to reassure me

That we'll meet in afterlife

N I would survive in your afterglow.

N

 

Simple / Complicated

 

 

 

Emm, it is Monday today.

Perhaps, I should put on solid blue rather than checks

Have clients meet, got to run around,

Shall I opt for a taxi or shall I take out my bike?

 

Put the goddamn shirt on and go

It is you mouth that is to do the talking and not your powerdressing

Taxi or Bike, motive is to get there on time.

Go for any.

 

 

Gosh, I pity that beggar.

He should be sitting on a school bench and not running around the traffic signals.

But shall I give him a rupee?

I don't think I have change.

Won't that encourage wrong practice?

Is a rupee to less?

Is it going to solve the problem?

What if he expects money tomorrow when I stop at the signal?

When is it the signal going to turn Green?

 

 

Pay the buck or leave …

Who's stopping you?

 

 

I'm really late.

But is 15minutes late a real late like late?

Is it going to cost a half day to me?

What will my boss think?

What about colleagues?

 

 

 

You are late.

So be it.

 

 

In fact, I'm to have lunch with them

But well, my team has planned a lunch too

What shall I do?

 

Eat at your desk or fast

 

 

Do I stand a chance?

I am so sure they are going to find someone to push their papers.

Should I even apply?

I don't have a mole

I don't have a chance

But hey my track record is one of its kinds

I'm am by far the most successful representative

How far will it take me

 

 

Do you karma n relax

 

 

Actually, she almost asked me out

But

Well, its her best friend who I like

You think I should confess?

You think I should go ahead?

Won't it be accepting plan B before giving plan A a chance?

I'm confused

Is it my hormones or what they call love…

 

 

 

You are in or you are out… come on be a Man

 

 

My parents are old

I know they need me in their

But I do send the money every month

I really have some future here

Who wants to go back

They should understand that much

But

Well, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be even here

Man it is so complicated

 

 

It is either you or them

What is the confusion ?

 

 

 

I raised them

I fed them

I gave them education

N now when am old they have abandoned me

Is that how life suppose to go ?

Why

What shall I be doing?

What is right

 

Gosh this life, couldn't it be simpler?

 

 

Relax,

If your life was to be any more simpler than it is

Then you would have been born as an amoeba  

Or at the most as a street dog,

For all that he worries for is

Garbage to hog on, a pole to take a pee and a bitch to hump

Which you aren't

 

So face it.

 

It is a journey that you need to embark on with complete might and will

And arrive at your grave fumbling, shouting, partying, messing, clearing and enjoying.

 

Beer is best when served chilled

Soup when served hot

Life –

When served intensely complicated.

 

 

 

Neo

 

 

 

To err is human

 

To err is human

And so it is to take revenge

 

It is great to fly high

Touch the sky

But it is just human to hit the rock bottom

 

 

 

Over the time you learn how to win

But it is human to lose it all and be free

 

It is ok to fall

To crash

It is human to bitch about

To it on someone's face

To mess it all up,

Just as when you had it all figured out

 

It is an infinitely looped vicious circle

Cause n Effect

 

We never do anything for the sheer joy of it

Geeta, Bible and Kuran are just books, eventually

Written by and for Godly Humans

Which we aren't

 

We do it because there is a cause

Nike says, 'Just do it!'

And we do it only because Nike says it

If William Shakespeare didn't say,

"What's in the name?"

Would you give a damn ?

No you won't

 

You think they publish my blog for free

For the simple joy of it?

No

Some way or the other they are making money or building a brand

Or for some greater good.

 

No noble award winner will tell you

That he did it for the Award,

But,

They did it for a purpose

There was a cause driving it

An effect they hoped to achieve

A purpose that was to be served

 

It is the purpose that drives us

Moves us

Binds us

Divides us

It is the purpose that brings us to life

It is the purpose that we live for

And should be ready to die for

 

Only when I seem to have it all figured out

Drug named LOVE acts up

 

My parents love me

And I love them back

Why?

I miss them

So do they

Why?

 

I still know how it felt when we kissed

Her smell is fresh in my mind

She is in my thoughts and in my prayers

For the reasons I don't know

And I may never know

 

To love is human

To love and not know about it is human

Attempting to let go but never really letting it go is human

 

Yes forgiving is Divine

First setting yourself free of the guilt, the grief and the anger

And then the others

 

To err is human

To forgive might just remain a distant cry

 

I'm human

And so are you

I accept you. Do you ?

 

Accept it

Try and live with it

Because eventually you are going to die with it.

 

 

 

                                                                                 neo

 

Vint Cerf

 

Out of all the fond memories from childhood one of the most lovingly cherished is hearing the bed-time stories from my grandmother.  I remember that magician, who always appeared at the end and at a snap of fingers, everything changed; everything was converted into everything so easy, so beautiful and so much worth living for. I always had this urge to meet this magician, who could change the world. I so wished he appeared in front of me so I could state my million questions in front of him.

 

 

This feeling revisited me when I held the microphone to pose my question to the honourable speaker Vinton Cerf, commonly known as the father of Internet. There he was, architect from matrix trilogy, man dressed in three piece suit with a friendly smile on his face. It took me a while to let it sink in.

 

 

Vint spoke for an hour and it was like music to my ears. He explained how the APRANET began as graduate's project in UCLA and with Bob Kahn it shaped up into TCP-IP, commonly known as Internet. He gave us the insight on the facts, it is always when you ask the right question, and the answer is more than evident. Vint and Bob had restrictions laid down and clear aim, to facilitate communication and synchronisation between military stations and computer operating at these stations. Only to make things complicated they were not to change or modulate the network and yet had to connect computers from a ship guarding coast in pacific with the computer at pentagon may be and with out computers being concerned about the network connecting them. Vint was very honest in admitting that he didn't imagine 35 years back that the internet will take the magnitude it has taken today. He and Bob were out to fix the problem and that is when they came up with the Internet. As a graduate student Vint wrote that historic program into Singma-7, which is now according to him is in a museum.

 

Internet began as military restricted application and with great efforts from Vint, it finally reached the lay-man in USA by 1988. He put forward the proposal in front of congress to approve MCI to connect to the internet and with great difficulties he got the approval for one year. This one year proved to be a revolution in e-World and by 1989 there were three internet service providers in USA. This number was humble but it was meant to grow and grow fast.

 

Vint has lead many experiments with internet and connecting various digital machines on internet. He briefly talked about VoIP, connecting home appliances on internet, standardisation and central control unit using Internet. Mobiles (Cell Phones) are to be the future of internet; as most of interaction with net is expected through mobile devices. Vint advocated usage of multiple digital devices that are connected to the internet to solve the daily needs and problems, just to quote a small example global positioning system, autopilot and internet enabled cell phone to get to the desired location with least effort. He talked about inventing easier user interfaces to access net, may it be mobile device or laptop.

 

 

Vint also addressed some of the challenges faced by i-net as of now. Problem of security still tops the list. It is evident that there are bugs in the system but where they are, is the question. 32-bit ip design is soon run out of the ip-address space. It is being resolved with new 128 bit address protocol. He briefly addressed the issues such as mobility persistence, multiple routing, broadcast utilisation, multi-homing and so on.

 

 

Presently Vint is working on Interplanetary Internet protocol. It is supposed to have 4 layers and is expected to be executed by 2010. Its major aim would be data collection and data transport from Mars or any other location in space. At present a customise program is written for each computer that is sent in space to facilitate the communication with its base station, he talked about standardising it to the new protocol. He also mentioned the possibility of commercialization of Interplanetary Internet. He concluded the seminar with some very interesting facts and figures about internet and answering some of the interesting questions posed by us, Googlers.

 

It felt extremely proud to be amidst of such great minds and down to earth personalities. It just edged the feeling sharper into mind that Google, even though it is Google Adwords is much more than ad-reviews, free food, monthly t-shirts and pick up and drops. It is the vision that drives the man and fuel of hard-work is what makes the difference.

 

 

I am still in my dream land of having met that magician. I am sure there is a long way to go.

 

 

 

Neo

23-Feb-07.