i think

I think I was in love

I think so was she

I think this was for nth time

And ended just like the other times…

When is it gonna be it

They say till you meet wrong ones

You won't value the right one

I have met enough wrong ones

And I've been wrong one enough

I want someone to last

I want to say … emm what do they call it

Yeah, "we are going steady"

I want to face the day knowing

I'm with the one I've to be

I am ready to fight the world if I've the cause

I want someone to accept me for what I'm

And not how I should be

I am trying to breath

I am trying to live

But am afraid,

I may not get what I want

May be I don't deserve it anymore

May be I don't know how to love

May be I've forgotten how it feels to be loved

With or without you,

The sun shall rise and set

With our without love

Someday evening shall set in

And I'll breathe for last in the cold chilly night

It would just be nice if you held my hand to reassure me

That we'll meet in afterlife

N I would survive in your afterglow.

N

 

Simple / Complicated

 

 

 

Emm, it is Monday today.

Perhaps, I should put on solid blue rather than checks

Have clients meet, got to run around,

Shall I opt for a taxi or shall I take out my bike?

 

Put the goddamn shirt on and go

It is you mouth that is to do the talking and not your powerdressing

Taxi or Bike, motive is to get there on time.

Go for any.

 

 

Gosh, I pity that beggar.

He should be sitting on a school bench and not running around the traffic signals.

But shall I give him a rupee?

I don't think I have change.

Won't that encourage wrong practice?

Is a rupee to less?

Is it going to solve the problem?

What if he expects money tomorrow when I stop at the signal?

When is it the signal going to turn Green?

 

 

Pay the buck or leave …

Who's stopping you?

 

 

I'm really late.

But is 15minutes late a real late like late?

Is it going to cost a half day to me?

What will my boss think?

What about colleagues?

 

 

 

You are late.

So be it.

 

 

In fact, I'm to have lunch with them

But well, my team has planned a lunch too

What shall I do?

 

Eat at your desk or fast

 

 

Do I stand a chance?

I am so sure they are going to find someone to push their papers.

Should I even apply?

I don't have a mole

I don't have a chance

But hey my track record is one of its kinds

I'm am by far the most successful representative

How far will it take me

 

 

Do you karma n relax

 

 

Actually, she almost asked me out

But

Well, its her best friend who I like

You think I should confess?

You think I should go ahead?

Won't it be accepting plan B before giving plan A a chance?

I'm confused

Is it my hormones or what they call love…

 

 

 

You are in or you are out… come on be a Man

 

 

My parents are old

I know they need me in their

But I do send the money every month

I really have some future here

Who wants to go back

They should understand that much

But

Well, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be even here

Man it is so complicated

 

 

It is either you or them

What is the confusion ?

 

 

 

I raised them

I fed them

I gave them education

N now when am old they have abandoned me

Is that how life suppose to go ?

Why

What shall I be doing?

What is right

 

Gosh this life, couldn't it be simpler?

 

 

Relax,

If your life was to be any more simpler than it is

Then you would have been born as an amoeba  

Or at the most as a street dog,

For all that he worries for is

Garbage to hog on, a pole to take a pee and a bitch to hump

Which you aren't

 

So face it.

 

It is a journey that you need to embark on with complete might and will

And arrive at your grave fumbling, shouting, partying, messing, clearing and enjoying.

 

Beer is best when served chilled

Soup when served hot

Life –

When served intensely complicated.

 

 

 

Neo

 

 

 

To err is human

 

To err is human

And so it is to take revenge

 

It is great to fly high

Touch the sky

But it is just human to hit the rock bottom

 

 

 

Over the time you learn how to win

But it is human to lose it all and be free

 

It is ok to fall

To crash

It is human to bitch about

To it on someone's face

To mess it all up,

Just as when you had it all figured out

 

It is an infinitely looped vicious circle

Cause n Effect

 

We never do anything for the sheer joy of it

Geeta, Bible and Kuran are just books, eventually

Written by and for Godly Humans

Which we aren't

 

We do it because there is a cause

Nike says, 'Just do it!'

And we do it only because Nike says it

If William Shakespeare didn't say,

"What's in the name?"

Would you give a damn ?

No you won't

 

You think they publish my blog for free

For the simple joy of it?

No

Some way or the other they are making money or building a brand

Or for some greater good.

 

No noble award winner will tell you

That he did it for the Award,

But,

They did it for a purpose

There was a cause driving it

An effect they hoped to achieve

A purpose that was to be served

 

It is the purpose that drives us

Moves us

Binds us

Divides us

It is the purpose that brings us to life

It is the purpose that we live for

And should be ready to die for

 

Only when I seem to have it all figured out

Drug named LOVE acts up

 

My parents love me

And I love them back

Why?

I miss them

So do they

Why?

 

I still know how it felt when we kissed

Her smell is fresh in my mind

She is in my thoughts and in my prayers

For the reasons I don't know

And I may never know

 

To love is human

To love and not know about it is human

Attempting to let go but never really letting it go is human

 

Yes forgiving is Divine

First setting yourself free of the guilt, the grief and the anger

And then the others

 

To err is human

To forgive might just remain a distant cry

 

I'm human

And so are you

I accept you. Do you ?

 

Accept it

Try and live with it

Because eventually you are going to die with it.

 

 

 

                                                                                 neo

 

Vint Cerf

 

Out of all the fond memories from childhood one of the most lovingly cherished is hearing the bed-time stories from my grandmother.  I remember that magician, who always appeared at the end and at a snap of fingers, everything changed; everything was converted into everything so easy, so beautiful and so much worth living for. I always had this urge to meet this magician, who could change the world. I so wished he appeared in front of me so I could state my million questions in front of him.

 

 

This feeling revisited me when I held the microphone to pose my question to the honourable speaker Vinton Cerf, commonly known as the father of Internet. There he was, architect from matrix trilogy, man dressed in three piece suit with a friendly smile on his face. It took me a while to let it sink in.

 

 

Vint spoke for an hour and it was like music to my ears. He explained how the APRANET began as graduate's project in UCLA and with Bob Kahn it shaped up into TCP-IP, commonly known as Internet. He gave us the insight on the facts, it is always when you ask the right question, and the answer is more than evident. Vint and Bob had restrictions laid down and clear aim, to facilitate communication and synchronisation between military stations and computer operating at these stations. Only to make things complicated they were not to change or modulate the network and yet had to connect computers from a ship guarding coast in pacific with the computer at pentagon may be and with out computers being concerned about the network connecting them. Vint was very honest in admitting that he didn't imagine 35 years back that the internet will take the magnitude it has taken today. He and Bob were out to fix the problem and that is when they came up with the Internet. As a graduate student Vint wrote that historic program into Singma-7, which is now according to him is in a museum.

 

Internet began as military restricted application and with great efforts from Vint, it finally reached the lay-man in USA by 1988. He put forward the proposal in front of congress to approve MCI to connect to the internet and with great difficulties he got the approval for one year. This one year proved to be a revolution in e-World and by 1989 there were three internet service providers in USA. This number was humble but it was meant to grow and grow fast.

 

Vint has lead many experiments with internet and connecting various digital machines on internet. He briefly talked about VoIP, connecting home appliances on internet, standardisation and central control unit using Internet. Mobiles (Cell Phones) are to be the future of internet; as most of interaction with net is expected through mobile devices. Vint advocated usage of multiple digital devices that are connected to the internet to solve the daily needs and problems, just to quote a small example global positioning system, autopilot and internet enabled cell phone to get to the desired location with least effort. He talked about inventing easier user interfaces to access net, may it be mobile device or laptop.

 

 

Vint also addressed some of the challenges faced by i-net as of now. Problem of security still tops the list. It is evident that there are bugs in the system but where they are, is the question. 32-bit ip design is soon run out of the ip-address space. It is being resolved with new 128 bit address protocol. He briefly addressed the issues such as mobility persistence, multiple routing, broadcast utilisation, multi-homing and so on.

 

 

Presently Vint is working on Interplanetary Internet protocol. It is supposed to have 4 layers and is expected to be executed by 2010. Its major aim would be data collection and data transport from Mars or any other location in space. At present a customise program is written for each computer that is sent in space to facilitate the communication with its base station, he talked about standardising it to the new protocol. He also mentioned the possibility of commercialization of Interplanetary Internet. He concluded the seminar with some very interesting facts and figures about internet and answering some of the interesting questions posed by us, Googlers.

 

It felt extremely proud to be amidst of such great minds and down to earth personalities. It just edged the feeling sharper into mind that Google, even though it is Google Adwords is much more than ad-reviews, free food, monthly t-shirts and pick up and drops. It is the vision that drives the man and fuel of hard-work is what makes the difference.

 

 

I am still in my dream land of having met that magician. I am sure there is a long way to go.

 

 

 

Neo

23-Feb-07.

...

 

Don't try too hard…

Hey please don't try to read my literature

Try n understand my heart.

I don't expect you to understand what follows but

Explain to me …

I haven't lost my smile …

Just that I can't find it at the moment.

Don't try n search for me in these words

Try n look for me in memories

Find me in your heart

Find me in our friendship

I know I am just too good with words

So don't want you to get fooled with them

Why don't you go beyond them for me

I am juggling with them

N will juggle with them till loose the gab

Poet n writer in me will never die

But I want you to know me.

Don't ask me how you can help me

Just be with me

I know that I can win the world

Just give me the reason

I have many images

With changing day light my shadows change too

Shadows leave me by night

But you don't

Don't be fooled by the mask that I wear

Tear it apart

I am waiting

I am hurt n bruised

but time will heal it

I want you to make my faith stronger

I don't want medicine

I want vaccine

For my emotional immunity

But I know it is only you

Who can do it

Without ruining my sensitivity

I am a dreamer

But I want to be strong enough

Want to be practical enough

To accept the reality

I want to be wise to understand

What I can change

What I can't

I want you to be my strength

For what I can change

For what I can make difference

I am tired sometimes

I am tired of searching

I am tired of believing

But

You know that

I need to earn my faith back

Wouldn't you help me …

I need to close my eyes

I need to hear my heart beat

I need to sleep

I need a blanket

To keep me warm

To keep me safe

To get me thorough this night

I am shouting for help

Because the kid deep down inside me

Is confused

Is lost

Is alone

Is still a kid

But on surface I can't even stretch my hand out

I can't utter a word

I wear a mask

Confidence seem to be in my veins

But I m incomplete

I don't expect your call

Not your letter

Not your email

But don't you want to know me better…

Perhaps

I WANT YOU to know me better

Who am I …

I don't really know

I am waiting

I am waiting with my arms stretched out

Eyes closed

Silent lips

Beating heart

Afraid mind

This time speechless…

Waiting…

To be a Man

 

To be a man

Now i think i know what is it to be a man …

It is to hold a glass of wine high n when sip on first sip, look straight into her eyes. It is to hold her eyes little more than she would expect. It is to say the right words at the right time. It is to commit when you are absolutely sure, it is to hold your self back when you know you want to loose your self, it is to hold onto all your temptations, it is only to let her know that you still have a kid alive in you, it is to tell the kid in you that the world is not simple but one has to learn from hurts, it is to wear a smile when you want to cry, it is to punch walls when you are helpless, it is to blow a secret kiss in thinking only she is watching it, it is to wear heart on sleeves but not too often, it is to no where to draw the line, it is to look at the moon with full heart and also appreciate the dark, it is to understand that everything in this world can be substituted but still tell your mind that she is the only one, it is to make that little more effort every single time to show her she means, it is to slog it off to be the best, it is to be strong but yet be sensitive, it is to shed a tear when alone but to make someone smile irrespective of your sorrow, it is to be the one you are, it is to know that life is too short to waste it, it is to love and to be loved, it is to see in your father's eyes that he is proud of you, it is to overhear your praise, it is to pass on money to your younger sibling without any one knowing it, it is to be at the door at 3 am when you sister returns drunk, it is to put shawl over her and make a coffee for her, it is to speak till morning breaks , it is to wipe her tears and put her to sleep, it is to hug your mom when she is so totally mad on you, it is to face into dad's eyes and accept 'It was my fault', it is to walk the street alone but never fall weak, it is to be comfortable with loneliness but not to be hermit, it is to party but be willing to have a nice quiet walk, it is to hear rain storming on your glass windows and place a call to person you been wanted to be called by, it is to sip on the last sip of bitter strong coffee and promise your self a better day tomorrow, it is to flow with time, it is to know that you don't know, it is to think, it is to breath, it is to marry her, it is to make her believe you will be there, it is to please her, it is to be gentle, it is to hold her hand when she cries out with pain, it is to be a father, it is to hold child's finger and help him take first step, it is to let him fall but be there, it is to pat his back, it is to punish and be harsh, it is to watch them grow, it is to let go something you craved the most, it is to live for and live in THE MOMENT, it is to take a breath and close you eyes forever and ever.

I shall be the Man one day, the Man I want to be, the Man I chose to be, the Man she wants me to be.

Amen.

Mumma tell me

Mumma please tell me…

Were the pains worth to give me birth

Do you forgive me for the sleepless nights

Cautious nine months

And tweety one years ever after

Did you see an ounce of you in my tiny eyes

Did you hear heaven speaking to you

With my words on earth

Was I as pure as sunshine

Was I as lively as water

Was as innocent as a wish…

Tell me mumma could you hear my heart beats

How you understood me without words?

Why couldn't you sleep at night

When I had nightmares

How would I always find your hand

On my forehead and

Your smoothening voice

In my ears

To tell me that all will be ok.

To tell me, tomorrow is going to be a brighter day

How you accepted me with my failures

My tantrums

My wimps and fancies

My depression

Perhaps, once you saw it in my eyes

It was no more mine

It was all yours

You took it all away

You made all problems yours

Gave all your smiles to me.

Why …

Mumma where are you today…

I want to believe you mother

I want to trust your words

This world isn't simple

As you told me,

People aren't nice

As you are

I struggle but

I don't see the success

I dream but

Only nightmares

Morning comes after dark

But there isn't sunlight

Why mother…

I get affection

But I want love

I find acquaintances

But I need a friend

I know,

My cheeks are wet when the movie Titanic ends

But I still

Want to watch it

Alone…

Because mumma I have no one…

Mumma, all love stories have to end

And end in tragedy?

Every Romeo has to die?

Or I have to kill the Romeo in me?

I have answers

But my questions aren't right

Why money can't buy satisfaction?

But can't I be happy without money?

How long I have to go?

How long can I go?

How long you will be with me mom?

What will I do without you?

Why God gave me heart that cries?

Why you gave me love that I can't do without?

Why sitting up late I'm scribbling this…

Why is there no full stop…