Roomie

Sometime, I feel I’m the stupid ‘Mr. Know it All’

May that be life, work, future, friends or well, Room-mate.

Well, it was year back when a Punjabi guy brought up in Haryana moved in with me. Trust me, I dreaded how the hell we were going to live together.

I was calculative and for him ‘unnis-bis’ didn’t make any difference. I was this control freak that none of your clothes should be thrown on my bed, don’t bring your shoes into the room, keep the windows closed because mosquitoes will come in, be well dressed man-don’t walk around in bare minimums and blah blah bla…..

“This needs to be settled NOW”

I was like, “What the hell man? I’ve equal right.”

He said, “I’m speaking with the third guy and fine, I’ll move out. Big shit.”

He darted into the room and was throwing his clothes into his bag. Pretty much Bollywood style, I tell you.

And a few hours back, I was home, helping him pack.

Guess, some things change and they change for good.

When you subtract a bed from the room, minus all the clothes lying around and empty the whole cupboard next to yours-the room does look strange.

Was a fun day though, we raced our bikes from one traffic light to the other, we were downing a few beers, had sumptuous lunch, settled accounts and bid our farewell.

I always had this theory about room-mates, ‘When the next one moves in, you feel the last one was better.’

Well, let us say I feel little shallow about having such theory.

Neo

8

Only number after zero that flows through, you don’t pick up your pen, there is no brawl of ink or breaking of nib with eight.

Tilted side ways down and it means infinity. Means completeness, means returning where you began.

Eight is going in circle till the end, means there is no end cause the path leads on the other curve and then yet another

Means going farther away from each other to cross paths once again and then going far away to meet again.

Eight is walk of life, friendship, hardships, relations, broken hearts, bulging voids, two poles stuck together.

Is test to curve but not let your feet on the ground, is to tilt but not fall. Eight is to walk the tight lines between centripetal and centrifugal forces. To balance something that pulls you and something that pushes you.

Eight is a thin line between evening and night. Stepping stone when evening elegantly gives way to the night and the star lit skies.

Oh my number eight

You’re my saving grace

Oh my lucky charm

You’re my open arms

You are my number eight

You are my flickering fate

It is all too grey for me to hate

It is all too late for me to regret

Ohh my revelate

So now don’t hesitate

Redeem yourself

For you are my number eight!

Poker

So we play a little game of poker, don’t we?

As a kid, I didn’t really play a lot of card games and as a grown up kid I still don’t. However, poker is something that I can’t resist if it is on offer. Don’t know but that is one game that can draw closest parallel with my life.

Two cards are dealt face down, you can see them and continue to play. In the course of game there will be five cards dealt face up on the table and you could use any three of them to make your full house, straight flush or pairs. Now, the fifth card is the river card. And if I’ve the vibe then I never go down till the river card is drawn.

Now, the practical side to the game is ‘Throw the hand that can’t get you the win.’ And my side is if you think you’ve got it then go all the way in.

I think if God runs a club up there in heavens, he will be the master dealer and perhaps house will be ever in profit. I’ve never seen such an immaculate delivery of cards ever in life. Deck dealt so elegantly, I wouldn’t know if he was dealing my life from the bottom or top. Your smile was the sign and sparks between were the vibes, I took up the hand.

I might have been reluctant but I’ve not shied away from betting the whole pot. Because that is how I’ve lived so far. I’m not the greedy kinds of ‘Double or Quits’ but I would never bet on two horses just to recover money. I’m either in or I’m out.

That is how I saw you. I didn’t check you on your bets. When you were in, I thought you were in all the way.

Believing comes naturally to me I guess. I think it is some kind of high for me. Maybe that is the reason, I can’t stay without believing in some thing, someone – or maybe just in you.

They say “Key to no stakes is to push a man to all his money” I guess you just did. But I took up.

In life and in poker the question is not Did I see it or you showed it? or

Did you hear it without me saying it?

It is hard math, these are cards and not people, they don’t change, they don’t speak, they don’t pretend. Fools like me gamble it, others grind it out.

I went down, big time. Fair enough. Taken.

However, I’m disappointed you threw the hand in before the river card could be drawn. Why? That is all for the trust, sparks, connections, commitment, confidence? I don’t know.

Little over period of time I’ll learn how to win. It isn’t a big deal. But what about you?

How long will you throw hands in with fear of losing? Will you realize the value of the hand you just tossed in?

I don’t know.

Be watchful though, if someone calls your bluff. After all, we all play a little game of poker don’t we?

Neo

Going … Went … Was .. Going Back

When you’ve been half way round the world and then you return home, it is a special feeling. Well, I know it because I just know it. Specially, when you flying back for your parents’ 25^th marriage anniversary and they have no idea about you coming home, it is very special.

Well, I reached Bombay half an hour before expected. The adrenaline wasn’t rushing through to reach home as soon as possible because I’d come to know my mum and dad were not in town. Felt like it was a cruel joke by destiny to surprise me. Well, taken and taken in right spirit.

Cab ride to Barista, Cadel Road, Dadar.

“Saab, do sau(200 rupees) rupaiya hua.” I was bonked out of my brains. I smiled and said, “Bhaiya, gaav se nahi aaye hain. Airport se kya pehli baar nahi ja rahe hain. Tarif card dikho.”

Turns out, we settled the bill for 90 rupees.

Barista, He n She

I stepped out of my cab and then rushed to meet an old friend. Turns out she was waiting there for a while with her boy friend. I glanced at them and smiled. To my pleasant surprise she sprung to her feet and rushed towards me. It got a bit filmy when I dropped couple o my bags and we hugged

In an after thought and aftermath, it gives some kind of kick to have hugged your friend while her boyfriend gives you “wazz up dude?” look with not exactly comfortable glare.

Granny, am home

With all the enthusiasm and ziel, “I’m home, I’m home after half a year.”

And she calls me by my brother’s name and says, “It is good that you are home.”

Well, felt like a long breath just got stuck in my lungs.

Dad, where are you?

Dad was to return home by Gujrat Mail, the next day I reached home. I wanted to surprise him. I rushed to the train station and entered without buying platform ticket as the train had already arrived.

I reached out for the wagon SC6 and when I couldn’t find it, a porter enlightened me, “They detach all the wagons starting from SC3 at Dadar, the stop prior to this one.”

Wow, someone or something was keen on surprising me again. I hate it but what the hell. Run, before dad gets out and sits into a cab.

I called him up again, “Dad, where are you?”

“I’m standing beneath a clock”

“Dad, there are half a dozen of them on this platform.”

“Oh, so where are you? “

“emm, Here to pick you up.”

Hugs…no… we are equal, NOW

Watched a movie in my favorite theatre which had closed down three years back. Had food at a joint which is catering to young crowd since my dad was young. We sat down and discuss the prices of things such as Bhenpuri, shirt-pant, coke, a pack of cigarette and so on. Turns out inflation has taken toll. J

Right then, she called up and she was in town. We decided to meet. I took a momentary leave from my dad (we overlooked my promise that I was going to spend the whole day with him).

I saw her after maybe more than a year and was surprised as she looked really different. She took a while to recognize me as well. I took a couple of spaces and thought we might hug, but then came the embarrassing moment 7 for the day (leave first six for some other time)…she just gave a hand. Aftermath, afterthought, afterexplanation…. “Ahh, Nachiket, I was so damn sticky. It was for your sake that I didn’t…

A couple of days later, we were to meet for coffee at Bandra, Band Stand. As usual, I was on time and she was late. I was sitting down listening to ipod and scribbling something. I saw her walk into café, all smiles and cheered up. She walked up to the table and tilted a bit towards me and I stayed sunk in my chair refusing to move an inch. She settled down on the opposite chair and cutting the smile short she said, “I was going to hug you but…”

Afterthought, aftermath, “I didn’t want embarrassing moment 8. Besides, we are equal now.”

Well, we meet time and time over again and just get equal.

Café / Restaurant? Nope… chai cutting

It has been three years since we passed out of college. Me n my mates, by God’s grace all of us have moved on to better things and spending some money just for fun sake isn’t a problem. I picked up the phone and tried faking an American accent…it was a very dear friend who had returned from uncle Sam’s land after a while. Was eager to catch up. Thought of meeting up at some very high class, posh place to spend all his dollars that he had gotten along. Turns out, both of us were much happy to meet up for a cutting chai (half a glass of tea), some roadside food and seaside fresh air.

Some things don’t change and fortunately some do.

Marine Drive

Something I could not cover this time around. Marine drive is the most beautiful sea face in this world. The memories attached to it make it even more special for me. Missing it was the first realization that I can’t live without sea next to me.

Bunking college and sitting at marine drive- sea face, walking the whole stretch of 6 kilometer until lands end and wondering when will be the right moment to slip in my hand into hers, walking lonesome in the stormy weather witnessing lightings dancing like fairies on horizon, overpowering waves leaping as high as 6 meters, getting dad’s car and belting it by the sea face to 130-140, chasing Porsche on my bike with best friend riding next to me, riding with her hand clasped around me, putting on a bet with brother to overtake a better bike and winning it, those morning walks and Man to Man talks with dad, a quick pit stop after shopping spree with mumma, sitting along staring at nothing late at night, venting depression in nothingness, watching sunsets and then leaving footmarks in the sand, walking up there with half smile and hoping to complete it, walking out with a resolve and lungs full of hope…well, all that and much more is still pending to be felt again at Marine Drive.

Badminton :

Trust me it is tough to move around swiftly with excessive 10 kilos around the Badminton court. Well, excessive 10kilo is nothing but all the flesh n fat gathered during last few months I’ve been leading horrible lifestyle. I was convinced I was in amazing nick until my friend from the other side whispered, “Dude there is something between the frame of your racket, called gutting. May be next few shots you would like to use gutting rather than metal frame.”

What the hell, I was winning points and that is all that mattered. Doesn’t matter.

Hospital :

Bro returned home that night. Literally all fucked up. For a split second I thought someone beat him up real bad. Lip all swollen beyond imagination, eyes sunk in, dirty pretty much torn shirt, drooped shoulders and dragging feet.

I learned that somehow he made it home from Pune and had temperature.

We had to get him in hospital next day.

It was some kinda infection from insect bite and he really was in a mess. I’m lucky that I didn’t have to be in hospital so far and I really am shit scared of hospital.

I’d morning shift that day. My bro was always this smiling n charming ass, who was centre of attraction no matter where he went. I would be introduce as his elder brother most of the places. I mean I always publicly displayed how much I hated it, but deep down I was really glad. To see him lying on bed so pale on drips, it was so killing. I walked into the room. He just nodded and I nodded back. I walked around the room, read up the report chart as if I understood, looked at the drips, checked the bed and repeated the whole cycle of events all over again. Till he said, “Relax Dada, don’t be scared. Everything is fine. I’m OK.”

In that split second, everything just came at stand still and I was so stunned but so happy that bro has grown up maybe more than I have. I was so speechless for next five minutes till we broke ice by talking bout girls, movies, bikes and well other stuff mom wouldn’t really want to know.

Guest with free access to Fridge and Remote control

I loved staying at home as well during this stay and more I stayed at home, increasingly I got the feeling of a guest who has free access to refrigerator and TV remote control.

Standing by still as the whole city whistles by in its own rhythm and hurry. Being a complete social misfit and watching the long Marine drive like a tourist, with nostalgic eyes looking at those streets which never lead to nowhere, long coffees and quick lunches, evening bike rides, favorite movie halls and flee markets. All and all it feels, it is time. Time to head back.

Don’t know where….maybe here..

Neo

Sideways down

Tell me where this joke got higher

Tell me where this flirt got serious

Tell me when the future got heavy on us

Tell me when things started moving sideway down?

Everybody fucks up and that is just the way it’s been going around

Maybe I should now move along

Maybe drop of blood .. a drop of love is what you want

You’d found someone who makes you laugh,

Give it all but that’s not good enough…

You’d found someone who said he would stay

And stick around but that is not what you what you want

We slipped at the start and

Dragged the whole thing sideways down

Starting strangers

We end as ones again

But lot of emotions have flown under the bridge

And can’t just join the points

To get a picture

Cuz afraid it might be ours

But without colours

Without feathers

Without dreams and unknowns curiosities

And without butterflies in stomach and fireflies around

Under bright sun bathed skies

On Flawless beaches

Around tall and lonesome mountains

Among old ruins

With best friends

You walk with a smile

Smile….

Because if it is true,

What you said…

There is long way now…

We fell out of our place

Although we played our part

Our part to blame

Because when you find something so good

It is hard to focus on what is wrong

In the end, what hurt the worse

Has been resolved than the first

Because now I know what you said…

Nothing went misunderstood but

Mystery did lead to doubt

If this is what you were waiting for

yeah was good thing to leave it the chance

Because now I’m picking up the message and have been closer than ever been before,

If you still have something to say, then say it to me now…

But now future gets mad at me

and time goes on living

How could I be mad at you

You did what you did and you followed through

You were the one who always said….

But am not sad

Just disappointed

And no am not mad

But just disappointed

Future got on top of you

Working out of your skin

And then you went beneath it all

Just like anybody else would

I’m standing alone in this town

Starring around and wondering how to get out

And words don’t really fit

What I feel for you

And no-one is in love, maybe just misdirected.

Neo

Give me a place

I’ve flown over 10K kilometers over last few days, I’ve been in more than a couple of countries and a few capitals and cities glittering with blinding lights, I’ve been in the black-forest and on the crowded over packed buses. I’ve ridden my bicycle and have been also received in a C-class cars at the airports…I’ve met some interesting people but have bid farewell to many more who’ve been closest and dearest to my heart…and come to think of it – amongst this turbulence, airports now have become places where I can think, I can write and I can feel without relating them with people and bittersweet memories.

Once, you check-in, you see your baggage go rolling down those conveyer belts and what can’t go on conveyer belt you leave it outside the door, just like you’ve tried doing time and time over again.

Standing outside the gate, blowing the last cloud of smoke in the air…you can’t help but think of last time when someone escorted you to the airport or of the person who was on the other side to receive you.

Each place is tagged with people you’ve been there with, it is sprinkled with a smell, a picture, a memory, it is laced in your doubt and it is always something you are thinking about…

But these waiting lobbies have become mine now, just mine… I am safe here, I’m alone here. I’ve my space here, I’m always in my elements here. With or without over-packed baggage I’m always comfortable here. However, I can only keep him in exile until I’m supposed to board my flight, then I’ve to leave this place, I’ve to let him free.

Greedily, I rush to some more places and I beg for some more places. When the dust settles, I just want a place, a place where I would find myself, without turbulent memories and stirred up existence. Where, I would feel at home but be free from any remembrance of anything.

I want a place like this waiting hall but minus waiting, minus my baggage, minus closed doors and minus pseudo loneliness.

I just want one sweet little place of my own…

Neo

blink

You wake up, not sure from the dream or from a nightmare or from a tired slumber, you are not sure what…

You’ve heard the breaking voice and are now sticking your head out of the glass window, you look out, the horizon is filled with smog and cloud, so homogeneously mixed that you can’t make out what is what, down there is the shimmering of lights, at the first glance looks like bunch of tiny little stars bundled together and sprinkled around, looks like flickering crickets trying to tell you something…

The sky isn’t clear for you to see the skies, the sun has just escaped leaving the diminishing twilight behind and the you are approaching your so called destination at 500km/hr.

You lose altitude a few meters per second and before you realize those shimmering lights come to life and give way to your vision to see the city, the city waking up to go out in the evening, to dress up and shine up to step out n step up.

You see those zillion vehicles jamming the city corners, losing altitude that fast you slowly start seeing or perhaps dreaming, you pass those huge roads, see residential areas or perhaps they are industrial but how does it matter…you are dreaming by now perhaps…

A dream, a city, a blur face painted at smoggy horizon and your favorite song running on you ipod. You come further down and then finally fly over so close to that street where perhaps once you wished you stood and starred at the skies and the coming by planes till your neck hurts and then you would have looked at the familiar face smiling back at you, assuring you.

In split second, the rubber hits the concrete and bang…. You feel it, you still want to stick your head out but all you see is a wing, a blinker and passing by concrete runway. The flaps on the wing go up sharp vertical to help keep the aircraft on the ground and you blink longer, keeping your eyes wide shut to keep your mind with in the aircraft, within you. Pilot guides the machine to rest and so do you pull your dreamy shutter up vertical to bring you wavering mind to rest.

When lights come on, you blink again.

Not sure if you’ve woken up from a dream, a nightmare or a sloppy slumber.

Neo