Snowflakes

Like any other weekday morning, I ducked into coffee shop across the street and grabbed my medium roast coffee. As I stepped out to walk up to my office, I felt the chill in the air, and soon enough noticed the snowflakes settling down on my shoulders. The first ones of this winter...

For someone like me who comes from a warmer climate, a few years ago ‘snow’ in itself was a foreign concept and then snow in October was just unfathomably foreign concept. Now, it doesn’t seem that strange but I still need time to get used to it.

I shove my left hand deep in my pocket, take off the cup-sleeve and feel the full warmth of my cup of coffee. As I rush along the side-walk, I notice the trees. In fact, I notice lack of leaves, actually. Just the skeleton of branches, shivering in the wind as the snow settles on the trunks. 

And it strikes me, it is winter.

It is perhaps time to shed off all that has run its course. Some absurdities, heartaches, and even a few blunders that crept in, it is time to let them fall off so you could be ready for all things new, exciting, and challenging.

It is time to serenely embrace the new season and seek new activities, connections, and routines.

For now it’s time to seek warmth.

Neo 

30 Days Of Sobriety

Let it be known that I was never a raging alcoholic and I don’t plan to become one.

Here is an account of going 30 something days without drinking alcohol of any kind

• Drinking six glasses of water in the same time that you would take to drink six beers, doesn’t feel nice
• The number of times I got asked (please note : with noticeable concern in their voice) “You are not drinking?” As if, my lever would suffer severe consequences if I took it off its staple diet of beer and whiskey
• My upstairs neighbors party really hard and late
• 90% of my social interactions involved saying “Cheers”
• Some of us have dropped those F-bombs with additional qualifiers after one too many drinks and have those “I love you Man” moments, I did not have those in the past 30 days
• Waking up at 7 on Saturdays wasn’t half as bad, and sailing crew acknowledged – “you are showing up awfully early for weekend races”
• I ran 10K under an hour
• Received messages to the effect of “Hey man, thank you so much for getting me home last night.”
• After a long crazy Saturday night on town and four ginger ales later, I walked away with a tab of $3 ( Slice of pizza costs more )

I could go on. However, on a more serious note, the conversations were engaging, I didn’t second guess myself next morning, I enjoyed people-watching at bar, saved some money. Spent a bunch of Fridays home reading, writing and thinking.

I realized that I truly enjoy drinking good alcoholic beverage. May that be a kraft hoppy beer, a pale ale, or a full-body red wine, smoky bourbon or an 18 year old single malt Scotch, or dry and crisp Gin with twist of lemon & tonic. I enjoy the taste.

Also, one day sober or a lifetime, all it takes is a drink to go back to zero. It isn’t about the days and months of sobriety, like all things, it is about moderation

Cheers

Neo

Perspective

Fundraiser, I don’t like that word. In my dictionary the word has a very negative meaning. It paints a picture of a banquet hall filled with privileged people, competing for the attention and the seat at the hottest table, as far removed from the cause as they could be, and rubbing shoulders with other socialites.

This was different. Room was packed with diverse set of people and when my friend took the microphone and read out the numbers and success stories of asylum seekers, the room resonated in applaud. However, nothing my friend said could sum it up like Paul (that is not his real name) – who was granted asylum thanks to the efforts of The Advocates For Human Rights did. He said, “You can not stop sadness and fear from visiting you. But these people helped me shut the door slam on that sadness and fear. Thank you so much for helping finally sleep peacefully at night.”

It is inspiring to see the lawyers stand up for a cause. I imagine there is more money and fame in patent infringement, high-profile divorces, and suing McDonald’s for their extra hot coffee for that matter. But these guys are here, rescuing one life at a time.

Being in a foreign country myself, I have my set of sadness and fears as well. Certainly nothing compared to Paul’s. But his words did help me put it things in perspective. 

Sure, there are uncertainties and insecurities but I still have the basic freedom to believe what I choose to, follow any religion I prefer, love regardless of gender, and above all express myself.

And for that I am grateful. 

Neo

Surprise Yourself

First time I ran for more than half an hour without anyone chasing me was last year for my company’s community 5K run. I ran liked a mad man, and half an hour later all I felt was my legs and heart pounding at the pace that made me worried.

This year when I went back for the same 5K run, I shaved two minutes of my time. That’s it, it was time for double or quits. I signed up for a 10K without losing any time.

Day 1 of training for my 10K and I buckled down after 4 miles. I limped back home. The pain in my foot didn’t subside and I found out I was suffering from Plantar Fasciitis. It is nothing but a way of saying my foot really hurts when I try to move.

I gave up training for the race. I even looked into refund policies. And now I was now going to be that guy - “No Show.”

And then something unexpected happened. My colleague, a tennis player in her past life, handed me a tennis ball and said “8 hours that you are sitting at your desk, keep rolling your foot over the ball. Ice it. Rest it. Don’t give up on the race yet.”

A couple of days later, another friend offered up a splint that would help.

Come race day, I showed up. Unsure of what to expect, I had a mantra - Run, Walk or Tumble, I am crossing that line. However, to my utter surprise, I rounded up my first mile within 9 minutes, half way mark in 30 and now I was running to beat 60 minute mark. And I beat it. 57:40.

But that is not the coolest part. You know what is really cool, I enjoyed the run, I noticed the fall that had now set in the Twin cities, noticed a guy with his guitar who was busking – singing Beatles songs, lady who was blasting Journey (Don’t stop believing)  on her front yard to support the runners, I took in the view as I came up the hill, and crossed the finish line. Oh and surprised myself – that I could do it. 

Neo

Nostalgia

Wondering how things used to be …

And I notice the logs burning in the fireplace

Effortlessly giving light and warmth, while turning into soot

And so did all those wonderful moments

They appeared out of nowhere, lit up my life with warmth and faded away

Nostalgia is like a warm fireplace on a cold winter night

I sit there with the intimate company of loneliness and in the warmth of moments gone by

Neo

You Took A Shot & Missed ..... Again !!

…Shit ! I think she gave me the wrong number or did I mistype one of the digits.

…She doesn’t seem to return my texts, tried calling but no answer.

I thought it went really well..drinks, dinner, walk to her car. Been two weeks, no communicado !

But this time it was different… I mean really. I waited until I saw her for the second time at this friend’s get-together… and she said “A drink or something is fine but as friends. Is that cool?”

 Guess what... single, approaching 30 and fairly tired of people playing games. This is such a relief. 

Well not the best outcome possible, but given the circumstances the Optimal. 

I say optimal, but I begin to back-track ... so which were the clues that I missed ? Should I have waited? Shouldn't have texted, perhaps call would have worked better... maybe had I phrased it differently ?

These carefully laid out downward spiraling questions, safely lead me to the ultimate question -  the self doubt... it must be me! What's up with me ?

And then it hits me. What Morpheus said - the lines from Matrix - ""Whatever happened, happened, and couldn’t have happened any other way."  Why, because, I am still here. We are still here. The clock is still ticking and seasons are still changing. 

And then for kicks sake, I start peeling the onion. On what happened...

Well, I guess it was the walk back from the bars. It was late, we were both sober ( well, six drinks sober ), I can't remember what we spoke about exactly but sure enough it must have been somewhat romantic and fittingly poetic. I guess it was the hanging out even after the bars were closed.

Or maybe that hug...that night. It definitely lasted longer than 3 Mississippi count.

And then you wonder, wait ...did I talk myself into asking this person out ? Didn't I too just wanted to hang out and share stories ? Well, if I am not sure what I wanted, why am I talking myself into feeling even remotely unhappy about what she said...

One of my dear friends would read this and say - "Stop being such a girl about it." ( No offense to the ladies and FYI this dear friend happens to be a lovely girl)  

So more importantly, the long and short of it, is I guess that I may have read a few things the way I wanted to read them. Interpreted them in a way the world wisdom has taught me to and it turns out I was wrong. 

What is important though, is a little less of ascribing a great deal of significance to coincidences, gestures that are subconscious, and especially conversations past 1 o'clock. 

And a little more of - mindfully going with the flow. Letting it pan out. 

Secretly, though, I would tell my 17 year old self, with a big smile... "I tried."

Neo

Hats

Once Upon Time Far Out West

I can hardly wear any more accessories than absolutely required; my German arm-band is the only exception. Precisely the reason why I have never worn hats, rings, chains and what have you.

Living in California, I have repeatedly debated adding a Hat to that exception list. No Luck yet.

Walking around at the Union Square, I found myself in a Hat shop, looking at a couple standing next to me try hats on. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

He would put a hat on and look at her and the mirror. She would tilt her head sideways and then straighten it, pout her lips and then nod. So it went on until he ran out of hats to try on and they left.

That incident was enough for me to picture my little romantic hat shopping escapade. Simple things about settling down, going shopping together, valuing other person’s opinion, normally buying more expensive items than you otherwise would, attaching a story or an incident …essentially a memory to most of the pieces of clothes you pick up. All of it just seemed too romantic to ignore.

Ever since that day, I have worn that foolish romantic hat that has driven me to live that hat shopping experience. The other day, walking down on Height, I couldn’t resist the temptation to walk right into the shop and try a few hats on.

It may be extremely insignificant and fade away in the avalanche of new experiences, but

When you pointed at the pink hat and asked me to try it. Then you adjusted the black hat I was trying on and nodded. Looked at me as I tried a few more and smiled.

I just lived that one moment; I had been looking for all along.

I believe the life hardly ever sets up a dinner table for you with a neat clean white table cloth, pristine silverware, dinner plates and wine glasses. You have to assemble one single item at a time by yourself for that dinner with someone. As aware and cognizant I am of this reality, it won’t stop me from a being a die-hard romantic.

And if nothing else, I would have had almost bought that hat with you.

Neo