You Took A Shot & Missed ..... Again !!

…Shit ! I think she gave me the wrong number or did I mistype one of the digits.

…She doesn’t seem to return my texts, tried calling but no answer.

I thought it went really well..drinks, dinner, walk to her car. Been two weeks, no communicado !

But this time it was different… I mean really. I waited until I saw her for the second time at this friend’s get-together… and she said “A drink or something is fine but as friends. Is that cool?”

 Guess what... single, approaching 30 and fairly tired of people playing games. This is such a relief. 

Well not the best outcome possible, but given the circumstances the Optimal. 

I say optimal, but I begin to back-track ... so which were the clues that I missed ? Should I have waited? Shouldn't have texted, perhaps call would have worked better... maybe had I phrased it differently ?

These carefully laid out downward spiraling questions, safely lead me to the ultimate question -  the self doubt... it must be me! What's up with me ?

And then it hits me. What Morpheus said - the lines from Matrix - ""Whatever happened, happened, and couldn’t have happened any other way."  Why, because, I am still here. We are still here. The clock is still ticking and seasons are still changing. 

And then for kicks sake, I start peeling the onion. On what happened...

Well, I guess it was the walk back from the bars. It was late, we were both sober ( well, six drinks sober ), I can't remember what we spoke about exactly but sure enough it must have been somewhat romantic and fittingly poetic. I guess it was the hanging out even after the bars were closed.

Or maybe that hug...that night. It definitely lasted longer than 3 Mississippi count.

And then you wonder, wait ...did I talk myself into asking this person out ? Didn't I too just wanted to hang out and share stories ? Well, if I am not sure what I wanted, why am I talking myself into feeling even remotely unhappy about what she said...

One of my dear friends would read this and say - "Stop being such a girl about it." ( No offense to the ladies and FYI this dear friend happens to be a lovely girl)  

So more importantly, the long and short of it, is I guess that I may have read a few things the way I wanted to read them. Interpreted them in a way the world wisdom has taught me to and it turns out I was wrong. 

What is important though, is a little less of ascribing a great deal of significance to coincidences, gestures that are subconscious, and especially conversations past 1 o'clock. 

And a little more of - mindfully going with the flow. Letting it pan out. 

Secretly, though, I would tell my 17 year old self, with a big smile... "I tried."

Neo