When you fucking fall in love

You wake up in the morning. For once you’ve slept peacefully without remembering your nightmares, for once you’ve a few messages on your cell waiting for you to read. You wake up to some people’s good wishes, your cup of warm tea, a smoke and gray skies.

You step up and you know you are going to see her for the one last time before you leave, you know it is your last day, you know this is it. You see her sprinkled with the cold rain drops and shrink-wrapped in fog but with silver lining far beyond on the horizons. Your city of blinding lights is still waking up from the slumber and you enjoy looking at her pretty face as she changes sides.

You've waked down on all the streets, on those which have no names and those which are memory-lanes. As you desperately try and get lost, it doesn’t let you. Most of corners and most of the allies seem familiar; you always manage to find your way back. By now you are aware of her changing moods, spontaneous reactions and her sheer pace and the filled to the brim life.

Songs run through in your head, feet move much faster, no matter how deep you breathe you still can’t accommodate her in your lungs, no matter how many clicks and flashes you shower on her you can’t capture her, no matter how much you scribble you can’t frame her, she smiles and tells you not to fret from leaving and you smile...?

You realize you got to leave behind what you can’t take with you. You’ve your memories and that is about it. Concerts, drunken night outs, philosophical brain storming on the half-penny bridge, long walks by the sea, aimless travel with darts and commuters, window shopping, smiles and blushes, dates when you walk next to someone and foot bills, familiar faces in the crowd, green parks, romantic balconies, dockyards, rough neighborhoods, familiar streets and alien addresses, coincidences and staged accidents, heartaches and honest giggles, mind frames of seen it all and done it all and then innocence and insecurities of teenager, interesting company and some romantic walks, her smile and zeal and grace, her company

For all that Dublin has taken away from me, the city has given much more in return. Maybe enough to last me a life.

And that is why, it is fucking difficult to say Goodbye when you fall in love with the city, the perception of the city, with the people, long-walks and lingering evenings.

I still have 20,000 breathes before I board that ugly looking flying machine and am breathing you in…

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