She didn’t deserve Gods break her smile

She was supposed to leave that evening. He was a little rude to her a day before. He didn’t do anything but get drunk and watch a football game rather than spending time with her. Somewhere on a bloody Sunday morning he felt wrong, he felt void, empty. Suddenly, he realized, this was it. Her bags must have been packed by now and perhaps all he could manage is to catch up with her over a lunch.

He has known all out that he is no good at saying byes and that is why he avoids airports, bus stops and train stations as much as he can. So much so that a convenient phone call is all that he has boiled it down to.

Scared bloody coward peace of shit, ain’t he?

Or perhaps antisocial, emotionless, heartless, outright practical

Or maybe an emotional fool who finds it hard to let go and knows that it is not the letting go that hurts but the other.

He waited in the lobby of the complex until she came. He was wondering…just wondering.

And then she came and the smile was all that was needed to make him feel at peace.

He has heard about her family a lot. Her ma, big brother, uncles, aunts, grand-parents and so on. And then she asked if it annoys him when she goes on and on about her family. In fact, he was annoyed but not because she talks about her family. It always reminded him of how far he had come from his family. How there are weeks when he doesn’t bother calling up home, when he doesn’t pick up the phone and sends a sms, of how he has been home just three times in last year. Where is he stood is what annoyed him.

She mentioned her Ma but somehow not a lot about her dad. And that day when she talked about her grandparents from her dad’s side. He just asked her, “What’s with your dad? Where is he? Why you never talk about him?”

He had never reacted this way ever. He never asked anyone about the things they didn’t want to talk about. He has had friends and acquaintances from all walks of life and he never asked anything but today, don’t know how words just fell out of his mouth.

She answered, “He passed away.”

Normally, he would keep shut, but idiot asked, How?

“I don’t know exactly. He was working in Middle East. He was driving to office one day and got caught in the middle of something he wasn’t supposed to him. And they shot him.”

He almost dropped the spoon. Breath seemed to have got stuck somewhere in the lungs and throat soaked up and eyes didn’t know where to look and face didn’t know how to react.

“We had been there for holidays that summer. After ten days from coming back this happened. I was hardly fourteen.”

Emmm….

“I don’t know though, if that is what it really was. There are million versions to the story.”

He just closed his eyes and wished all this didn’t happen. More so cowardly, he wished he didn’t ask that question.

Her eyes shrunk a bit but she still had that smile. He wished he could hug her but he just felt glued to his seat.

An hour later she left - with a tiny chit in his hand and ever lasting smile through the rear glass-pane of her cab.

Neo

I do. I will. I’m done

Baby is born, it enters the world drenched in bodily fluids and mom’s blood
Parents and other are happy.

Kid starts growing up
Rather than saying I do understand, it asks why, why not, when, how, where, what…
Kids are not born intelligent but sure as death system and formal education ruins them.

Soon, kid gets into the habit of saying “I understand. I do”
Ok.
Fine.
Yes.

Some remain rebellious but
What follows in life brings them in line.
In line to obey
To accept
Take orders and act as expected

What follows in life ???
School. The beloved school teacher
Whom most of us believe completely and do as asked.
Peers, friends… and their expectations
Homework, tuition classes, sport schedules, GK books and family rituals.
Some remain still rebellious

Opening their horizons to a whole new world of
Youth. Insanity. Freedom. Energy.

There are things to follow then
Assignments, grades, future prospects, career planning, girlfriend-boyfriend issues.

Some still remain rebellious

They eventually go on to obey
‘Yes boss, brilliant idea.’
‘Yeah sweetheart. As you like it.’
‘mom but. I mean… emmm ok. So be it.’

Some still don’t change….

They fight their way through mediocrity
Ask some intelligent questions
Take some bold steps
Air some serious opinions
Take some ahead of the time decisions

Things follow them as well…

Beyond a certain point when they don’t see anything,
They find a girl and get married
Some find and Some don’t
Others keep looking

In any which way, they follow
I did
I do and
I will until they close their minds and hearts with ‘I’m done’

That is it. I’m done.

Neo.

Business, Pleasure and Pain

This is the thing about being young ambitious semi-professional. You work hard and play even harder. And boys play the ball no matter what.

It has been a busy day at work. You’ve been running around to get things done before lunch. Some kind of rush when you want to pack and catch a flight. Well, you rush for a quick lunch, come back knock of pending work, what you can’t finish you postpone it. Off you leave for your workshop.

It has been a while since you’ve been working. You’ve even travelled abroad for business. Walking through the posh lobby of a five star deluxe isn’t a big deal for you anymore. But this one is different.

You sit through the session. You’ve your share of boredom, your share of limelight and sumptuous supper. But then you want to break free. Stay aloof and move out to the poolside.

It is quiet. Unmoved empty easy-chairs, calm pool surface disturbed the passing by breeze; good old skies are clouded but are kind enough to give way to the shy moon. Then you realize, it wasn’t too long before you sat down right there, singing with your mates and her. Someone strummed the guitar and so long the chords were right, you mixed your drunken happy voice with plenty others that were trying to sing.

You can’t remember when that unsaid, unseen space barrier broke, you remember sleepless night spend looking at the calm poolside. You remember those long five star lobbies that allow you to watch someone long enough before they disappear. You remember coy little stares and glances. You realize you probably know this place as well as you knew your school or junior college. You remember karaoke night at the bar at the merci of the singer. You remember tiny blank notepad and sharpened pencils kept next to the phones, you realize words are missing. You walk around without key to any room. You see people leaving in their cabs and you remember when you waved.

Sweet aroma of the earth smells familiar but it isn’t raining yet. There is none to share last one in your pack, there is none to raise your last sip to. Those chairs are still unmoved, untouched- just like they are supposed to be. Just like you were supposed to leave them, perhaps you should have.

It was business then it is business now. There were sparks and butterflies then there is aftermath and perspective now.

You had a resolve then - you’ve one now.

This is the deal with semi-pro, it is still business as usual (maybe little unusual)

Neo.

Roomie

Sometime, I feel I’m the stupid ‘Mr. Know it All’

May that be life, work, future, friends or well, Room-mate.

Well, it was year back when a Punjabi guy brought up in Haryana moved in with me. Trust me, I dreaded how the hell we were going to live together.

I was calculative and for him ‘unnis-bis’ didn’t make any difference. I was this control freak that none of your clothes should be thrown on my bed, don’t bring your shoes into the room, keep the windows closed because mosquitoes will come in, be well dressed man-don’t walk around in bare minimums and blah blah bla…..

“This needs to be settled NOW”

I was like, “What the hell man? I’ve equal right.”

He said, “I’m speaking with the third guy and fine, I’ll move out. Big shit.”

He darted into the room and was throwing his clothes into his bag. Pretty much Bollywood style, I tell you.

And a few hours back, I was home, helping him pack.

Guess, some things change and they change for good.

When you subtract a bed from the room, minus all the clothes lying around and empty the whole cupboard next to yours-the room does look strange.

Was a fun day though, we raced our bikes from one traffic light to the other, we were downing a few beers, had sumptuous lunch, settled accounts and bid our farewell.

I always had this theory about room-mates, ‘When the next one moves in, you feel the last one was better.’

Well, let us say I feel little shallow about having such theory.

Neo