My Alice lives in the world of denial n I’m stuck in wonderland

  

 

I agree to the fact that it was destiny that we met, it was by chance that we got to know each other n by the virtue of something (I don't know what) we shall part ways, sooner or later. But, until we do so, that is all that we have.  That is our time.

 

Now, what to do with this time is up to us. Destiny, luck, consequences whatever you may want to call it, have got us till here, am sure for some reason. I do not really know what the reason is, but come on, can't we find out? Aren't we suppose to give enough chance?

 

Maybe not. Alice's found her freedom. I can't quite put in words freedom from what, freedom to do what…but it seems she values it much more than I would like her to. But, then again, who am I? Just another guy…

 

 

Alice has been to places and been with people. And now it has dawned on her that people seem to ask a lot of her and she isn't here to give. She is here, to believe that she is just a mediocre, out to work her way out all by herself. I never meant to offer help, I never meant to follow. I just want to walk along. If two people, who walked a lonely road up the mountain, side by side, next to each other… would they be alone? Should they be alone? If both don't know where exactly they were heading, if at least one of them made their mind up to the fact that, if the journey could be so interesting, 'I don't really care about the destination'…could that change something? Anything?

 

Alice, I know you've gone through a lot in life, so have most of us. But isn't it something we all are destined to? Isn't it something that shapes us? After all a bit of trust, that is all it takes… to be with someone, to know someone.

 

I think I'm blinded because I'm stuck in wonderland. You, you choose to stay in the world of denial. Disbelief.  World of a loner. You've shut everything down and I guess you would never stop from sealing it further. Why don't you understand, time kills-doesn't heal. I don't say I can help you, cuz I am not sure. But I say, I want to stand by you, I want to know you. If we are dragging our feet along the same lonesome road, why can't we hold hands?

 

Alice likes me, I just want her to like me more. I believe, either you like someone or you don't. There are no areas of gray. If you like my company then doesn't it mean you like me? I think the 'Best friends' ship has sailed long back. I am putting a lot at line and I only expect your word in return.  

 

 

If you could step out of your world of denial, we could find out how far this wonderland goes.

 

Think about it…

Neo

 

Falling in love / Hitting rock bottom

 

 

Tyler Durden said it, Hitting the rock bottom is not a weekend retreat. It is not a got damn seminar. You just have to let it all go.

 

 

It is only when you have lost everything you are free to do anything.

 

 

Guess, that is what it is. It may seem sadistic comparison but it holds good in its own place. Trust me it isn't a weekly phenomenon. If I try hard, I might just make it on my own but I don't want to do it on my own. I don't want to walk the mile alone. It has been days now, soon it would be weeks, months and then years.

 

I am letting it all go, can't you too? We all have baggage but we aren't going to have to leave it behind, why can't we leave it now? Things you thought you owned have always ended up owning you. People you thought were ours were never really ours. You have been hurt and so have I been. We have always wanted a happy tomorrow and a safe n peaceful day after tomorrow, but did we ever spare a moment to give today, enough chance. No we didn't… are we giving it enough chance … no we aren't.

 

We have made our choices and all we have to do is, just understand them. Just put in a bit of effort from your side and just let me help you once, to understand what you don't seem to understand. To show you what you seem to avoid. Let me remove those shades off your eyes. Let me hold your hand n guide you into the new world. There isn't anything like reality it is just the perception. Yours and mine.

 

 

But I know,

Just like I can't be a rockstar or a movie God or people's person, I know I can't hold your hand and guide you. I know you won't let go off the baggage, I know you won't take the shades off your eyes, I know I can't push you, I'm too afraid to do so. I'm hopeful that we could walk together but I'm sure that you are capable of walking alone. It feels I've hit the rock-bottom again (some say a glass ceiling) I know I can't go beyond. I'm helpless.

 

It is not a weekend retreat, it is definitely not a seminar and I'm letting it go.

 

Have I fallen or have I hit the rock bottom?

girls

 

Ahh come on if you step out of closets n speak, then you would agree that after Rock music, Action thriller and Wii and Nintendo games and field sport if something remains long enough in a guy's mind then that is …. Girls.

 

Well, off the record, Girls are on top, other things clubbed together help push them down the stack slowly. Well, once a while a small help from old friend C2H5OH is also required.

 

 

I mean, they seem to have it all to destroy whatever little bit of a peace guys have got.

 

To begin with, they are pretty. If that isn't enough they in-waste enough time to get ready. Someone girl who seems just about ordinary, suddenly appears on the Friday night dressed in sparkling black skirt and red top with attractive lenses, glossed lips and highlighted eyes… what else can you do other than holding your breath and fight off the question, have we met. Then realisation that you have and then regret that couldn't I be little more chivalrous last time around…

 

 

You invest time, pay high phone bills, you try put it in subtle most way to catch some coffee, beer, sandwich…. Any gotdamn thing that will get her away from her yapping girlfriends. She seems so one of a kind and so sweet when you with her… moment they all get together, it seems how could someone stand them over a few seconds? Call it gossip / chatting / bitching they do it all. Trust me in a much better style than guys could ever imagine.  One thinks, perhaps one could bear the pains of shopping to have that coffee n chat after traumatising shopping but all you get in return is display and discussion of the goods bought and what a smart purchase it was.

 

 

 

You wanna watch champions league and she wants theatre. You wanna go drinking she wishes to go to salsa evening. You don't mind this or that but she doesn't want any of it.

 

 

You meet guys, you hang out, you speak , you drink …. You know here are my frnz, I can hang out with, mess around with, count on if I'm in shit.

 

With girls, you speak and you speak some more. You need right words at right time, you need patience, you need chivalry, you need to leave major chunk of whatever might happen in feeble hands of destiny and on strong shoulders of girl's wimps n fancies.

 

 

Emm could you tell me why we go nuts after them ?

Damn, I've got to end it here … (if I hurry up I might catch her on her way home ;-P)

 

neo