…Shit ! I think she
gave me the wrong number or did I mistype one of the digits.
…She
doesn’t seem to return my texts, tried calling but no answer.
I
thought it went really well..drinks, dinner, walk to her car. Been two weeks,
no communicado !
But
this time it was different… I mean really. I waited until I saw her for the
second time at this friend’s get-together… and she said “A drink or something
is fine but as friends. Is that cool?”
Guess what... single,
approaching 30 and fairly tired of people playing games. This is such a
relief.
Well not the best outcome possible, but given the circumstances the
Optimal.
I say optimal, but I begin to back-track ... so which were the clues that I missed ?
Should I have waited? Shouldn't have texted, perhaps call would have worked
better... maybe had I phrased it differently ?
These carefully laid out
downward spiraling questions, safely lead me to the ultimate question
- the self doubt... it must be me! What's up with me ?
And then it hits me. What Morpheus said -
the lines from Matrix - ""Whatever
happened, happened, and couldn’t have happened any other way." Why,
because, I am still here. We are still here. The clock is still ticking and
seasons are still changing.
And then for kicks sake, I start peeling the onion. On what
happened...
Well, I guess it was the walk back from the bars. It was late, we
were both sober ( well, six drinks sober ), I can't remember what we spoke
about exactly but sure enough it must have been somewhat romantic and fittingly
poetic. I guess it was the hanging out even after the bars were closed.
Or maybe that hug...that night. It
definitely lasted longer than 3 Mississippi count.
And then you wonder, wait ...did I talk myself into asking
this person out ? Didn't I too just wanted to hang out and share stories ?
Well, if I am not sure what I wanted, why am I talking myself into feeling even
remotely unhappy about what she said...
One of my dear friends would read
this and say - "Stop being such a girl about it." ( No offense to the
ladies and FYI this dear friend happens to be a lovely girl)
So more importantly, the long and short of it, is I guess that I
may have read a few things the way I wanted to read them. Interpreted them in a
way the world wisdom has taught me to and it turns out I was wrong.
What is important though, is a
little less of ascribing a great deal of significance to coincidences, gestures
that are subconscious, and especially conversations past 1 o'clock.
And a little more of - mindfully going with the flow.
Letting it pan out.
Secretly, though, I would tell my 17 year old self, with a big
smile... "I tried."
Neo
